Out of the Rut

The Stink Eye

2010-03-03T19:23:00.002-06:00

People are just strange and they get stranger all the time. Today at work this parent dropping off their little one, before she even enters the room, totally gives me the stink eye. Some people would be offended and not continue to give this person the time of day, but not me. Huh uh, no way. In my eyes this is a golden opportunity to get to understand just exactly what their deal is and I don't care how weird they are. The weirder the better, I say. It's like a challenge for me,(how weird is that?) I have to peel back layers on people and let them know that regardless of their bizarre quirks that they are still valuable. That's right, I said it. So what. I'm a softy - I want to be everybody's friend,(not necessarily a bff, however) and the weird ones seems to be drawn to me anyway. So, in the words of the chick that sang that song in the movie Dreamgirls, "... and you and you and yooooou, you're gonna love meeeeee!"

Party of 4

2010-02-24T21:03:00.002-06:00

Going to a restaurant with children is a brave undertaking. I am usually proud of the boys, (Matt included) but sometimes if the meal is taking an extra few minutes to arrive true chaos ensues and something is going down, usually some one's beverage.
My favorite thing (insert sarcasm) is when they seat you at a table & not a booth in the middle of the room for every one's entertainment. The tables are always smaller and they put so much stuff on the table, the sweetener box, the ketchup, the salt & pepper & of course no table would be complete without the small booklet of menu items that are already listed on the actual menu. The menus themselves are giant because they have to keep adding more "bad" yet delicious cholesterol inducing items in which to gorge ourselves with. I digress... so, everything that can be removed is set on the floor for the waiter/waitress to accidentally step on as they move around the table collecting the menus. Which is another awkward dining event - the menu return. I don't know why this is, but it's as if when presented with this seemingly simple task we just lose brain cells. Pass it to the person next to you or, er uh no give it to the waiter, oh no er, he's taking someone else's, give it to that person, no now he's reaching for it, ahhhh and done. Now we wait...
Ok, the waiter has brought us new drinks, cool... wait! Oh man he didn't take the old ones. Now we have more crap on the table. I need sweetener for my tea, oh great now I have all this freaking paper everywhere. Mmmmm, the chips and queso.. crunch, munch, crunch... oh great now we have empty glasses, paper and now the boys have dropped queso all the way from the bowl to their shirts. When is that waiter going to clue in that these empty glasses need to be taken? Queso's gone, we really mowed down those chips fast. Waiter is here, he's taking the empty plate but left this paper and the empty glasses! Oh, he's bringing Matt another drink, he takes his empty glasses but not mine. (Is there such a thing as table claustrophobia?) The boys are now asking us every second when the food will get there, regardless that we just stuffed our faces with queso and chips - they're STARVING! Now they are goofing around a little more, moving is never good. My cacophony of "sit still" begins and the moving continues a little more, uh oh and down goes the beverage all over the wrappers and napkins and laps. Cue the crying, cue Matt's growling that they should've listened to their mother, etc and so forth. The meals arrive on HUGE plates that barely fit on the table under good circumstances, need more napkins please, lots more. The waiter didn't bring our meals and now this person that I'm not familiar with and who is not familiar at all with our order is asking if everything looks ok. Well,of course it does and they leave... Oh, wait! Crap, I asked for cheese sauce instead of the red sauce - I forgot. Our waiter returns and asks the exact same question, yay, I can tell him it's WRONG. He's giving me a crazy look, never mind - this is great, everything couldn't be better. Kids eating, husband eating, me eating, and down goes another beverage all over a plate of food. WAITER! I think they should start announcing our arrival as the in house entertainment before seating this party of 4!

Catharsis

2010-02-18T10:52:00.002-06:00

Catharsis; Webster's dictionary defines as an act of purging or purification; cleansing. How poingnant this word is for me right now. Writing is one way I purge and maybe I should be purging more often and start up my blogging again. I am a word nut, I have gained this obsession because I like to win at Scrabble, so I looked up catharis in my thesaurus (I have an actual thesaurus, not just the one in the Word program.). it says "see purification", the opposite of purification turns out to be contamination. Really, CONTAMINATION? Beacuse that is how I saw it- CONTAMINATION in bold capital letters.
Such an ugly word, but that is how I have felt and the irony is that when something is contaminated (if not treated) will spread eventually, contaminating everything around it. I will absolutely NOT let that happen any longer. Maybe I should write more on my blog. Maybe I need to get busy and take action purging, purifying, cleansing. I'm not a constant complainer and I know things can be worse but right now things SUCK! (Ahhhh, that was cathardic) Satan has been chipping away at my resolve (as he does with all of humanity), when things go wrong he throws more and more into the pot hoping eventually you will fall away from God. Why would God want all these bad things to happen, right? This is not going to work on me and I sometimes wonder why satan even bothers with me at all, I will only draw closer to God through difficult times. I have become quite stagnant, however, allowing this funk of contamination to envelope me until somedays I find it hard to breathe. Praying, check. Hoping, check. Praying harder, check. Getting up and doing something to purify and cleanse this junk off of me... well, I missed that one. How many ways can I be cathardic? Writing, laughing, crying, reading, exercising, cleaning my house, going over my goals, enjoying my kids, going on a date with my husband, just putting one foot in front of the other so that the contaminates don't have a chance to cling on to me. Get thee behind me satan, I'm leaving this funk back there with you where it belongs.

"Yours to Complete"

2009-08-07T10:12:00.001-05:00

I got this one from Grannie Annie at "Fools Rush In" and thought it was a cute idea. She got it from a friend who got it from a friend, etc. If your reading this, feel free to complete the sentence with your own answers.

1.] How come I can never find: My husband in the grocery store. We go in together, and when I turn around he's disappeared. SO frustrating, especially if I have my hands full of something ready to place in the basket and he's absconded with it.

2.] I wish I'd never started: Watching reality tv. I get too caught up in these crazy people's lives.

3.] I wonder why: People text each other constantly even when they are in the company of others.

4.] Mama always told me: How much she loved me.

5.] There's this one thing in my closet that I just can't seem to get rid of: My Hooters costume. YEARS ago I was hired to work there and stayed for 2 days of training. When they told me I would have to debone chicken wings and work out everyday, I didn't return. I keep thinking I'll dress up as a Hillbilly Hooters girl for Halloween.

6.] My favorite guilty pleasure is: Eating alone without my kids around to ask me for a bite.

7.] I always forget to: put my cell phone where I can find it.

8.] I have never: had any desire to water-ski and I live in a state full of lakes.

9.] I'm obsessed with: running and getting in shape.

10.] One of my favorite memories is: Our family vacation last year in OKC. It was just so much fun.

Oldies but Goodies

2009-08-05T07:09:00.002-05:00

Tim from Fort Thompson has started a new item for us bloggers called "Oldies but Goodies". I am to find an old post and repost it for any of you who haven't seen it. I chose "Not the Shy Sweet One" because I will be waking my little monsters up again for school soon and will inevitably be dealing with this at some point. It makes me laugh to remember this one, hope you get a smile from it too!

I know why parents lose their minds. I understand how the elderly get Alzheimer's, alert the scientists everywhere! If they can find a cure for their children so that they refrain from throwing temper tantrums and becoming possessed by unseen forces, then I'm sure that mental illness and old age mind loss will be a thing of the past. I'm starting to think that Alzheimer's is really just the parents way of getting back at their kids. (I realize this isn't the case and that it is actually a very serious disease, so don't write me about it... it's an attempt at humor)

So this morning I wake up with the intent that I'm going to actually make breakfast for everyone (in honor that my husband has the weekend off, very rare this time of year). I decide on blueberry muffins, because who doesn't like blueberry muffins? Well I'll try to reenact the morning:
Logan (the 9 yr old) is already awake and peacefully watching Saturday morning cartoons. I let the dog back in and she runs into Holden's room and I go in there because I was afraid she would wake him up.. too late, he's awake! Aw, my precious baby has his arms out to me and wants a hug to which I gladly give him. (sidenote: since he could talk, the 1st thing he has always said to us in the morning is "I'm hungry" ) So I gently pull him from his bed and I'm holding him when the inevitable is said: "I'm hungry". Well, since I actually have a plan for breakfast already I happily respond with "Mommy's making blueberry muffins!"
Holden: "I don't WAAAAAAAAAAnt blueberry muffins! I WAAAAAAAAAAnt something else"
Me: (calmly) "Well, that's what mommy's making."
Holden: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Me: (not as calmly) "Holden, that is what I'm making, you like blueberry muffins."
Holden: "NOOOOO IIIIIII DOOOOOOOON"T!"
Me: (Putting him down and walking out of his room) "I'm not listening to this, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"
Holden: (running after me and draping himself on my legs so I can't move) " I WAAAAAAAnt something else"
Me: (Yanking him off of me and sprinting into the living room) "Holden, you can't even tell me what you want and it doesn't matter because I'm making muffins."
Holden: " WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Me: (trying to ignore the tantrum but because I have pms I'm getting very annoyed and don't want to beat the child)
I begin to make the muffins...
Holden: "I don't waaaaaaant muffins, I waaaaaaant something else!"
Me: "If you keep this up we are not going to be able to get you signed up for t-ball."
Holden: (immediately the tears dry up and he perks up, looks to his brother who is enmeshed in the tv and is successfully blocking his little brother out)"Brother, I'm going to play t-ball! Brother... Brother..."
Me: "Answer HIM!"
Holden: (turning to me after he was satisfied with his brother's attention)"Please can I have something else?"
Me: "WHAT?"
Holden: "I want to show you."
Me: (taking a deep breath and giving in, why? Because I have pms and I need him to be quiet) "Holden, if you eat something else then you cannot have a muffin later." (I still have to enforce some sort of rule, right?)
Holden: (shows me he wants Golden Grahams)
I finish making the muffins while Holden happily eats his cereal. (or so I thought)
Muffins are done.
Holden: "Mom, I want a muffin."
I walk into where he's eating and only the milk is gone from the cereal.
Me: "I told you no muffin, go eat your cereal."
Holden: "I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnt a muffin!"

The story ends with sweet little Holden sitting on his bed in his room to think about how he treats his mother and me enjoying my blueberry muffins as God intended.
Holden still hasn't eaten the cereal or a muffin, so I can't wait to hear how hungry he'll be for lunch.

Oh, what to do?

2009-08-04T12:33:00.002-05:00

I don't know what to do today, doo dah, doo dah, I don't know what to do today, oh a doo dah daaaaaay!

I'm running out of things to do with my children! School is starting VERY soon and I want to savor every minute with my kids before we have to go back to the real world. School starting means waking up at the break of dawn, exercising, getting lunches together, getting myself in the shower and getting all gussied up (for what?), waking up the kidlets, getting their breakfast and nagging them to eat and then nagging them to get dressed and brush their teeth. Making sure they have their all their school stuff, making sure I don't forget the car keys (which includes the house key because I don't know anything about getting us locked out of the house). Driving to school, going to work (which is another type of school- preschool) where I teach (babysit) 2 yr olds all day. Picking up from school, which means sitting in a friggin line 3 miles long because too many people live here. Homework (oh the horror!), dinner, clean up, showers, bedtime... and good lord - repeat the next day, etc and so on!
You see, I'm not too good at all that. I prefer the LAZY days of summer... wake up whenever the kids make me wake up. Fall out of bed, make their breakfast (if they eat, they eat if not they'll eat something else later) exercise (if I get around to it) do absoluetly nothing for a bit and then have fun with the kids the rest of the day. Well, we have been busy but it's an UNSCHEDULED kind of busy. Just a few more days of unscheduled bliss and then back to the ickiness of reality.
I really feel blessed to be able to spend time with my little guys and happy for all of it - I just don't want it to end... that's all!

True Friendship

2009-08-03T14:53:00.003-05:00

I had the pleasure of going and visiting my best friend of 25 years over the weekend. 25 years! How can that be when I still feel like that teenager that just met her. Her name is Chelle and she is wonderful. I left there with an understanding of what true friendship means and not because we've known each other so long but because we truly love each other. You can know someone for years and not have a bond with them. A true friend is someone who, regardless of what they get out of it, wants the other's happiness as much as their own. Seeing Chelle and her home, her husband and her children made me over the moon happy for her. Seeing how creative she is, sewing and decorating her home doesn't make me jealous... it makes me proud to know her. When I tell people about her and how long we've been friends, they often ask how we managed to remain so close. My answer - because neither of us has any expectation of the other except to just be who they are. We accept each other and wouldn't dream of changing a thing. (We're both pretty cool the way we are!)
Chell, if you happen to get this, thank you so much for everything... food and of course - your company. I love you!

La La Land

2009-05-07T16:25:00.002-05:00

It struck me today that there is are 2 different places in the mind of living. There is the place that you dream of, where everyone smiles at you, everyone understands what it is you're trying to communicate with them. No one cuts anyone off in traffic, people hold doors open for each other and children respect adults. I call this place La La Land. I often think that my problem is that I live there sometimes. The other place is called reality! I don't know if times are just changing so much that it keeps us from reaching out to each other but something's odd. Holden plays T-ball and I remember thinking to myself, (before we began) "Hey, here's a chance to make some friends." But the reality is that when you talk to people they sort of look at you like you're speaking a new language. I also noticed that if I didn't make the effort no one would speak. Everyone is in their own little world and it seems like they're afraid to let anyone in for fear it will interrupt their existence. I do this on purpose now... I wait a little to see if anyone will approach another and when the silence in the room is so thick I can't breathe I will be the one to release everyone from their bondage. I can't stand it! I want everyone to live life and get out of their comfort zones. You never know who you are going to meet or why you're there in that group or place. I want everyone to know that you may feel far from perfect and not think you're going to fit in or say the "right" thing, but screw that! No one says the right thing most of the time and everyone should just relax, forget about what others think and just BE!
Hell, I have PMS and I'm way too emotional about everything. I could just be really annoying and no one wants to talk to me!

Here I blow again...

2009-05-04T12:24:00.002-05:00

Blow smoke that is, chat, vent or gab. Anyway you put it, I'm back. First, I just want to say I appreciate everyone that missed me or asked where I was. Nothing was wrong or anything. I just honestly took a break. It's been busy and I really haven't had time to blog. Matt's work schedule was pretty hard on all of us and I won't lie and say I didn't have a difficult time of it - it was getting rough. But we made it through and are no worse for the wear. Truthfully, (and I think I've mentioned this before) it gives me an appreciation that I'm not a single mom or that my husband is in the military and has to be away for months or years at a time. God bless all of them. They truly have my respect!
I'm happy about a couple of different things, 1. School is almost out!!! I'm not one of those mom's that relishes kids being away at school. I'm actually probably as bad as they are about not wanting to get out of bed and doing all that needs to be done to have a successful day. Such as making breakfast, making lunches, setting out clothes, brushing teeth, repeating all these things that need to be done about 75 times and wanting to pull out all of my hair by the time we leave. Besides, as fast as these boys are growing, I just want to be with them as much as I can.
2. Watching Holden play T-ball has been so much fun. (aside from the tantrums and driving and rain that has cancelled most of the games) Holden is really into it and good at it too. He actually seems to take it seriously and he's only 4. One of the other boys was trying to joke around with him and he was having none of it. I was afraid he was going to push the kid down because he wouldn't let Holden concentrate on the next play. So funny! And man can this child run! It's funny to hear someone ask "Who's kid is number 10?" and with a huge grin I reply,"That's my baby!" Yeah, I'm one of those moms. It the same way with Logan's comedic nature. When he makes someone laugh it makes me feel good about who he is, not to mention how freakishly smart he is. Which is probably the reason he's so funny.
Oh and last but not least, because Matt's hours have gone back to normal I have made it back into the gym. I love working out, it makes me feel so much better! I still have a way to go but at least I'm going!
So, I have a lot of catching up to do with everyone else's blogs, so I better get to it!

A Little Breathing Room

2009-04-05T19:34:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm sitting here writing this ALONE! My husband had to work today because it is still tax season and since he is a trust tax accountant, he works ALL the time. This too shall pass... He misses his boys and I know it's hard on him but since he is missing his boys I get the true pleasure of being their one and only person to meet each and every need as well as keeping up with laundry, dishes, daily messes made, working, the school's yearbook, the pre-school projects... did I mention laundry, oh right... well let me re-mention it because it NEVER ends! I've often joked that there are times when I want to set it on fire but the matches have never looked more appealing than they do right now. I digress...
So here I sit, alone, all alone and the silence has never sounded so sweet. Matt came home around 4:00 and took off with the boys for a bit.
I have so much respect for families that have to endure this single parent stuff a whole lot longer than I do. I appreciate Matt's presence so much more when I don't have him here to keep the boys busy while I do stuff around the house or if I want to venture off to the bookstore and veg-out for a bit. I have a story to share and I hope no one judges me (like I care) but I have to share because it's a tribute to my mom Elaine.
The other day after Holden's T-ball practice he had the mother of all melt-downs and so did I. I actually officially channeled Elaine. When I was younger, all my mom had to do was purse her lips and show her clenched teeth while a demon briefly possessed her (it was in her eyes, believe it!) her voice became this low growl and most of the time if I valued my life I stopped whatever I was doing. Only when I turned 13 did I ever push her past that but we won't get into that now.
Anyhow, my precious son Holden after playing T-ball for over an hour didn't think he had had enough fun so he persisted that he wanted to shoot hoops.(we were in a gymnasium because of the weather) Well, I was done and I needed him to mind because I was so tired, exhausted! It went a little like this:
Holden: (wailing)"I want to shoot hoooooops! "
Me: "You just played T-ball and that's that. We're not here to shoot hoops, now come on!" I go after him...
Holden: (running away from me wailing louder with everyone else still trying to leave) "Just one more hooooooop! Pleeeeeeeease!"
Me: (running after him) "If you don't get over here right now then you won't be able to go to practice next time!"
Holden: (still running away from me towards the basketballs and throwing himself on top of one) Pleeeeeeeeease, I just want to make a hoooooooop!)
Me: (grabbing him and trying to hold his hand and pull him up without success) "Get up RIGHT NOW!" (I start walking off because he will usually come after me but not this time!)
So, I finally get him to follow me a little but whenever I turn around to get his hand he pulls it away and runs a little bit in the other direction. I then have to literally pick him up and carry this little wailing human being out the door while I yell at my other son to come on. (Who isn't doing anything to deserve my wrath but faithfully without making anymore trouble for me follows quietly.) I proceed to put Holden in the car and fasten his seat belt to which he (as quickly as he can) unfastens it and pushes on the car door so I can't close it. I try to as calmly as I can (which truthfully wasn't very calm) put him back in his seat and fasten his seat belt again to which he AGAIN unfastens it and pushes me away. Oh and I didn't mention the screaming bloody murder the whole time "I want to shoot hoooooooops!" So I'm sure we weren't drawing attention our way or anything. I think he unfastened his seat belt another time but this is where it gets a little fuzzy because at this point I feel the same demon that possessed my mom begin to take shape inside me. My teeth began to clench as I held him down to fasten the belt one more time and lock the door behind me and then the worst happened... He unlocked the door and tore himself out of his seat and opened the door trying his best to escape. And the beast arose within me... I channeled Elaine's demon. I no longer recognized my own voice. It became very low and gravelly - almost a growl. I couldn't see anything but the smoke pouring out of my ears and everything went dark. The beast spoke for me and as my body put Holden back in his seat and fastened his seat belt for the last time I heard the beast say "YOU WILL NOT TREAT YOUR MOTHER THIS WAY!!!"(pause for breath) "DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE HUMILIATED AND YOU WON"T DO THIS EVER AGAIN OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!!!"
And all was quiet. Holden stayed in his seat, whimpering but he stayed put. I don't think Logan knew what to think. I've been angry with him too but I don't think the beast ever took over with him. The beast left as soon as it had come and I just kept thinking about how even more angry I was that he had made me turn into my mom. The whole ride home no one uttered a word. When Matt called to see how practice went I was still seething because I didn't want to turn into Elaine! I described to him the horrific events from just minutes before and handed the phone to Logan who (bless his heart) tried as best he could describe it himself but I think he chose to block it out so I made Holden talk to him. He wouldn't at first but with reluctance took the phone after I made it clear that he could either talk to his dad then or I would wake him up in the middle of the night to talk to him. (at that point I totally would have done just that). After his phone conversation he gently apologized to me and gave me a hug and kiss. I in turn explained to him that he really won't do that to me again or he wouldn't play T-ball period. Needless to say he has been pretty good! I suppose there are times that instead of fighting the beast letting it take over will at least buy you a few minutes of quiet.
So you may judge me and think I'm nuts but I don't care. This is why I am enjoying this time to myself so hopefully I can keep the beast from ever rearing it's ugly head again. Well, at least for a few years. I'm not promising I won't turn into my mom again. I tried that already and apparently you really do turn into your parents. I wonder if I should warn the boys now before they become teens? Nah!

Updates

2009-03-31T19:31:00.002-05:00

-Prayers were answered for me in regards to the little one I posted about yesterday. Not completely out of the woods with this, but a huge relief today!
-Prayers were answered for my sister who had serious complications from pneumonia and now she is doing so much better. Had a CAT scan done and it came back that she was healing nicely!
Amen! Thanks everyone!

Hard Day

2009-03-30T17:20:00.002-05:00

Today was an exceptionally hard day. I have a beautiful little girl in my class and I'm afraid for her. I won't go into any details or give her name because I'm sure that would not be the right thing to do in order to protect her privacy. I would just like some additional prayer for her in general that God protects her and gives her some peace. It prompted me to rewrite this poem I had written a long time ago.

Children are the innocent and pure.
They are the beginning and the future.
With just one smile sorrow does not exist.
With their laughter, joy is impossible to resist.
They have no expectations or a heart that's unforgiving.
Their love is unconditional and they give it without questioning.
They've come straight from Heaven to live on this earth.
A miracle from God, His gift is their birth.
A precious child is a gift beyond measure.
Someone to love, to protect and always treasure.

God Bless!

It's A Lizard!

2009-03-29T09:08:00.002-05:00

There are moments that come along when you realize how much you LIKE your children. I will always love them and that could never change but genuinely liking who they are is a blessing. You have to be able to pay attention to these moments when they come along because if you don't you will miss something precious.
Yesterday it snowed like crazy here and it came down beautifully with huge snowflakes and lots of them. I opened the blinds so the boys could see it and while I was in the kitchen making breakfast, Holden runs in...
Holden - "Brother, brother, it's a lizard out there! Brother look at the lizard! BROTHER, it's a lizard, it's a lizard!" (I thought I would have to get Logan's attention because he has a tendency to block out his little brother's rantings, but no...)
Logan -(without laughing, without talking down to him, gently corrects him without skipping a beat) "No, it's a Buh, buh, Blizzard. Not lizard."
Holden - "Brother look at the Buhlizzard, look at the blizzard!"

As I was listening to this I just realized what a patient and loving big brother Logan is and at that moment I really liked him. And I really liked Holden for looking up to him and being patient as he was corrected, not minding one bit.
Moments to treasure and savor because it won't be long until I'm yelling at both of them to stop fighting and be kind to each other!

Move Over Derek Jeter!

2009-03-27T17:32:00.002-05:00

Holden had his 1st T-Ball practice last night and I'm kicking myself that I didn't bring my camera, next time for sure. It was the cutest and funniest time. I forgot how much fun it was to watch your child's very 1st experience with team sports. You can tell right away which ones have it and which ones don't and I'm not bragging, but Holden has it! When I watched Logan play for the 1st time I just knew that team sports probably wasn't going to be his thing. He also played soccer and played as if he was being put out to have to run up and down to get a ball. He was fine with just watching the other boys do whatever they had to do to score a goal. He would however, celebrate with them as if he had been a big part in it. (I love that kid)Since then he has really liked playing golf so hopefully we can still keep him out of trouble with some sort of activity. Holden, on the other hand will more than likely be trying to fit in any sport he can. Gosh he was so cute. Running the bases as fast as his little legs would take him. Batting as a "lefty" it was funny because the coaches would put him on the wrong side of the plate and he would swing backwards! I don't know how many times Matt or myself would shout out "he's a lefty!". They'll get it eventually. Since this is my second time around I had fun listening to the parents who were having their 1st experience with it. Some of them would be hollering at thier child, "Pay attention!" or "Go get the ball". I had one parent make the comment to me, "I just know he's going to be picking clover." with this exasperatted look on her face. I wanted to say "Geez lady, he's only 4! You'll be lucky he only picks the clover and doesn't try to eat it or take handfuls of it and put it on top of his hair!" I can't wait for the 1st game, I'm so gonna watch and see him picking away and then I'm so going to wait for her reaction. Is that wrong?

Politics? Wasn't going to go there, but...

2009-03-26T07:59:00.003-05:00

OK, I never intended to use this blog to vent about politics. However, right now I'm thinking that our country needs prayer. I believe that it doesn't matter what is going on with the economy or wars, or anything else because God has a plan and everything works according to His purpose. The thing is, (and maybe I just need to relax knowing that fact) I have never felt this way before about a certain direction that any administration was taking us but things are not sounding good to me. I've always been a Conservative but even when Clinton was president (because I was also old enough then to pay attention) I didn't feel this unsure or worried. I keep hearing unsettling statements being made by this administration such as "global currency" and changing the names of everything that "sound" too "negative". Like we're not calling the terrorists "terrorists" anymore? They're changing "The Global War on Terror" to "Overseas Contingency Operation" - are you kidding me? I for one am personally offended by this. They ARE terrorists and our brave men and women have been fighting for our country and dying on behalf of the "War on Terror". The same terrorists that flew planes into the World Trade Center, killing so many people without any conscious what-so-ever... and we don't want to offend them or what?
Didn't Hitler create mandates on what people were allowed to say and how they said it? It started out slowly and then snowballed into a nightmare. Isn't communism all about a huge government and telling everyone how to live their lives and making everyone feel dependent on them?
I am comforted in the fact that no matter what, God is the same now and forever. He has this in the palm of His hand. This is all happening because it is supposed to and I will be praying that we as Americans will recognize what is happening, fight for our beliefs and have faith that will get us through.

Praying

2009-03-25T19:12:00.002-05:00

This little one needs prayer so desperately. I am passing this along to everyone I know even though I don't know this family personally. If this were my child I would hope that everyone that could would be on their knees. Apparently this precious baby had terrible heart difficulties in the womb and wasn't expected to live but was born a healthy baby with faith and prayer. He is having the same trouble now and is very critical. I keep pulling up different blogs I read that are either friends of the family or just follow their blog and I can't put this off just because I don't know them. So I am praying and encourage you to do the same if you read my blog. God Bless.

Barry Manilow - Eat Your Heart Out!

2009-03-25T18:20:00.002-05:00

Logan and Holden are song writers, they write the songs that make the whole world sing!

The Boys riding in the car: "The knee bone's connected to the eyelid bone, the eyelid bone's connected to the intestines (pronounced intestEEns), the intesteens' connected to the cranium, the cranium's connected to the flatulence bone... and the beat went on ALL THE WAY HOME.

Gotta love it!

What I've Been Up To

2009-03-24T14:55:00.002-05:00

It always amazes me that when someone asks me what I've been up to, I simply say "Nothing really", when that's not "really" true. I was thinking about this after bunco last night because I only see most of those ladies once a month. I've figured out that I don't like talking about myself too much and would just rather listen to other people's stories and make comments here and there. So this is what I've been up to lately and I'm proud of it. I figured since I don't enjoy talking about myself, then I will use this opportunity to give God the glory because He is changing my heart.
I have recently helped start up our church's youth group by becoming a youth group sponsor. My duties are to come up with games for the whole group and head up the mid-high girls small group. I am having a blast with these girls! We go over the week's message which is the same for the adults but changed up so that the kids can get a grasp on it. After our Youth Leader, Evan (who is so adorable, he's only 18 years old and is one of the neatest people you'd ever meet) speaks on the morning's message. I then take the girls and we just have a girls' heart to heart. I lead it by asking questions and talking about my own experiences. I really think they enjoy it too. I even had one girl make her mom get out of bed to come to church because she wanted to come to youth group! Praise Jesus! I spoke to this girl's mom's best friend and she told me that she had been trying to get her friend to come back to church and just wasn't having any luck until youth group started. When she told her that we had a youth group, she decided to bring her daughter and try it out. That next Sunday she was being pulled out of bed by her daughter to go to church! How amazing God is! The reason I'm so excited is because I wasn't a fan of church myself for awhile. I had no desire to go and be surrounded by people I viewed as hypocrites. My heart was hardening but I read this book called "The Shack" and something inside changed. I still wasn't ready for "church" but I knew that God loved me no matter what I was or where I was in my faith. For the 1st time I had "permission" just to be where I was. It was like a weight had been lifted. I knew that there would be a time for me to get back into church and when I got a flyer in the mail for a new church that was just in it's beginning stages I knew that was where I needed to be. Something small. Well, after our 1st visit I knew in my heart that God placed me there for a reason.
I have a testimony of 2 different reasons for wanting to be a part of the youth, the 1st is because when I went to church at that age it was not a pleasant experience. I always thought that church was supposed to be the one safe place for a person to be. That's not always the case though. Girls can be mean anywhere and they were. I didn't have any real friends in church. I'm hoping I can be that voice for the girls in my group when or if (probably when) it comes down to who said what about who, etc. to diffuse the situation and put things into perspective for them. The second reason is that my nephew had an awful thing happen in his school where 3 different children took their own lives and one of them was a friend of his. It broke my heart to think that a 13 year old would result to that and it could have been prevented if someone talked to them about God and His love for them.
God is amazing because I never would have dreamed in a million years that when I was feeling isolated in my youth group that I would one day lead a group of girls in a youth group. Wow!
Matt, my husband will be joining and leading the boys when he is done working so many hours. That will also be nice to be able to do that together.

The Big Smelly Rat

2009-03-20T11:01:00.002-05:00

This is what my son Logan called Chuck E. Cheese when he was 3 and he was not fond of him at all. Now he is 9 and well over that but the nickname stuck and that's what we all still call him. So when I spoke up yesterday and said we could go see The Big Smelly Rat, excitement was in the air. I had this coupon for the place or I would never have suggested it because I'm not a huge fan and as I tell the story you'll know why. (if you don't already) So the coupon was buy 40 tokens for $10 and you get 40 tokens free! Woo hoo! So how long does it take for 2 boys to blow 80 tokens? 4 HOURS!
Time is a funny thing in a place like this... it seems to evaporate. I couldn't believe we had been there that long, although I was truly done with it by the time the tokens began to run out. I was still holding both the boys tokens, why you ask? When they are old enough to hold their own damn cups? Because they kept spilling them everywhere and I got tired of stopping to pick them up and bending over to look under the machines because they were sure that one or two of them rolled underneath. The boys did have a great time and it made me very happy that I could find something cheap to do that would keep them busy and happy for that long. All the games only take 1 token each. (no wonder we were there 4 hours!) But it is nice that they don't have to motor through so much money as fast like the some of the other places. The problem comes when they are down to their last token (Oh no!) and have to make one of the biggest decisions of their young lives - what game is worth my very last token? Well, Logan decides on Skee Ball (one of my favorites) which was fine until he only got 2 tickets off the game. Logan - "Oh great, my last token and all I got was 2 crummy tickets!" Me - (holding about 300 tickets already) "Hello, can we just be happy that we came here, we've been here all day!"
Holden chose a bowling game that he became very fond of. Well by this time the place was packed and I was so ready to leave that I was doing the happy dance in my mind at the notion that this was it, the last token! So at this point we were waiting in line for this bowling game and Holden was next after this little girl. Well her little sister comes running up to her as she was finishing up. She was probably about Holden's age (4) and she was hovering there as her sister finished the game and slides in right in front of Holden. Oh, hell to the no she didn't! I'm telling you I almost became one of those parents that make headlines "Mom attacks 4 year old child over a line cutting incident at Chuck E Cheese." I could envision my mugshot as I sat there holding myself back from taking action. Well, karma worked in my favor because as she slid in and put her token in the machine she couldn't get it to work so she runs off to find her dad and in that moment Holden who wastes no time himself jumped up and put in his LAST token and started the game. (That's my boy!) So the dad comes back with her and I just calmly state that Holden was in line next and she could go after him. He was clueless so Holden finished his game with The Hoverer hovering over him as he played. He seemed fine with it so there was no need for me to intervene at this point. I was just satisfied that she didn't get her way the 1st time. Terrible? Maybe but that's the way I felt and I stand by it. I don't care how old she is!
So now you know why this isn't my favorite place. Children running amok, taking over and parents, most of whom are oblivious that their children are little bullies. Not all of them, I know. Mine are perfect! Ha, at least I believe they are! They may not be "perfect" but they are damn close. I have to say, I was very impressed at Holden, who was gracefully allowing the brat to take his place in line(until she botched it - ha ha). He showed much more tolerance than I, that's for sure!

2009 To Do List

2009-03-19T12:44:00.002-05:00

#4 states that I will do a better job of keeping in touch with people I love, well get ready people - here I come!

#6 states that I will care less about what others think of me, this includes all you people that I'm going to keep in touch with. I'm tired of technology robbing me of relationships. I do love Facebook only because it allows me to keep in touch with people that don't live in my town. I'm not going to text because it's just another way I will never hear your voice. (and I don't care if you don't agree!) Because I'm following my list! It is written in ink ya know!

#3 states that we will do something new as a family and I realized I never blogged about this for February and we're already in the middle of March!

We went to a hockey game, all four of us, which makes it "new" because we haven't all gone together. It was fun, a little strange at times and a little worrisome at one point. The strange part... let me just say that it amazes me that when they build million dollar arenas and charge exorbitant amounts for tickets, they don't consider that when they put the seats right on top of each other how uncomfortable it can be sitting next to a complete stranger and being forced to become their best friend for the duration of the event. I understand that it's all about money to them and the more seats they can cram in then the more money they can squeeze out of the public. Seriously though, just give me 2 more inches so I can breathe.
When we 1st got there it was great, no one was sitting next to me for the whole 1st period. Then... dun, dun, dun, dun, duuuuun here come the space invaders! There were 3 of them and of course the one with all the food (and condiments I might add) sits right by me. I could hear everything, every bite he took, every chew. I could smell everything and see it too and I'm not sure what condiment he chose for his burger topping but it looked like a gelatinous mess. Anyhoo, as I made references to the game he would add his in too. Don't misunderstand me, I'm a friendly person and he was nice and all and if there were just 2 more inches between us I would've have been more receptive but because he took my other arm rest I was being a bit more selfish. The worrisome part... someone in the stands required emergency medical attention and was being given CPR for a very long time. We never heard anything else about it and after they finally got the person stable enough to take out on the stretcher the game went on as if nothing happened. Whoever it was probably could've used an extra 2 inches of space, I'm just sayin.
We'll see what is in store for March, it's so hard with Matt working 80-90 hrs a week.
Well, this is the 3 I'm concentrating on for the moment and when I get well I'll get to some of the other stuff and post about it too. Lots of love to everyone!!!

This isn't funny anymore...

2009-03-18T15:19:00.002-05:00

I just can't believe that it's Spring Break and I'm home sick and little Holden is also sick! This has been going on for over a week. Poor Logan is feeling great and isn't able to do as much because of it and it makes me feel awful. I'm getting very antsy just sitting home, cabin fever if you will. I'm sick of the TV, sick of the dirty house and sick of all the laundry piling up because well, I'm sick.
The weather is absolutely gorgeous here and I have been looking forward to having this time off and being out and about. Maybe I wanted this too much or something. I have been praying to feel good and for Holden to feel good and I know the Lord is with us and there is probably a reason for it, but it's hard to see a good reason right now.
I also must be doing something wrong in my life because the only phone calls I get are from my mom and Matthew. Not that I don't love talking to them, it just makes me wonder how I can be a better friend. I know that it is said that you have to be a good friend to have good friends. I really do have good friends, I just miss them and being cooped up makes one whiny. Oh well, everything that happens in life is supposed to teach us something and I think I'm learning that I need to take better care of myself and my family. I'm also learning how to cough up phlegm and spit like a boy.

Excuses, Excuses!

2009-03-16T10:11:00.002-05:00

There's this movie I've seen several times called "Fools Rush In" it stars Matthew Perry and Selma Hyeck and it's about a couple that meet on a one night stand, she gets preggo and they get married. He never tells his parents about the marriage, they come for a visit and eventually find out because Selma's character goes off on Matthew's character and in this she yells "Excuses, Excuses!" So after I've explained where I came up with this term, here are my questions... What constitutes an excuse? What if it's a reason? When does a reason become an excuse? Are all reasons really excuses? Confused? Me too!

I made a 2009 to do list that stares me in the face everyday and reminds me of what I'm not doing so far. I wrote on paper in ink (not pencil) that I wanted to run a 5K. Well, I have been sick on and off all year with sinus infections and upper respitory crud. Is this a reason or an excuse? It's difficult to exercise when you can't breathe!

Grocery Store Anxiety

2009-03-12T18:38:00.002-05:00

I have it. It is a real and serious condition that I can no longer deny. I have recently postponed this event for as long as I can and tomorrow I have absolutely no choice, I have to go. I can only describe my hatred for this job as the utmost, flat-out worst thing ever. It's not like I can just walk into the store and be in and out with everything I need without a thought about what EVERYONE in my house likes to eat. It's not as if I don't have to make a list of meals and try to remember the cheapest ones I make without a thought about how sick I am of all of them. I've also been told that coupons can save you a ton of money, problem is, when I use them I end up spending more. (Hmmm...) I have a friend that also swears by keeping the ads from other stores and taking them to Wal-Mart because they price match. Um, no - unless I go really late or really early... well, not even then. Let's be honest, I'm not screwing with it. I have been that person in line behind the person with those ads and it's not pleasant. I mostly wanted to take a pack of gum (the chunky DoubleMint kind) and tag the cashier with it and say, "Look, just give her the package of Tyson chicken for heaven sake, she either doesn't speak english or she's pretending she doesn't speak english and you will never win this battle. My Ben and Jerry's is melting even though I visited the frozen foods last just so it would have a fighting chance before I got home and when ice cream melts and re-freezes it isn't the same!"
Going with kids is another problem in and of itself. While I look for what I need which is inevitably what they happen to be out of - I also have to yell at my kids every other minute because they are dancing around and bumping into other people or the little one is touching everything he can, knocking over several cans of green beans. I have actually just left my basket where it was and walked out trying to hold onto Holden's hand while he drops and uses his super power (which is turning his body into a glob-like form) dragging the glob while he is screaming, "I will mind! I will mind!" I also don't care about other people looking at me. I'd just love it if someone said something, bring it!
Something else that I've never been able to figure out... what's with new and improved? So, I have my list that it took me 4 hours (on and off) to make and now I have to decide on which Crest toothpaste I want? Do I want regular Crest that was just fine for many years of my life? Or how about the new and improved "Pro Health" that does 7 different things and will take years off my smile? Oh crap, just saw the Pro-Health Nighttime formula.
Wow, I wonder if I can put this off for another day? Probably not -
Lord, hear my prayer.

I Got Some Mad Skills... But

2009-03-09T21:59:00.002-05:00

I can't break this kid!
I'm referring to one of my darling preschoolers. I teach (babysit) 2-3 year olds at a preschool four days out of the week and have since within the last 2 months acquired a new student. He is gorgeous, precious, sweet... and annoying. I am aware of the fact that this is his very 1st experience and I'm trying to be patient, really trying however, my brain can only take so much. The reason Mr. Gorgeous is annoying - he repeats all day this phrase," Where's the Mama?" and he has an Italian accent only when he's saying this phrase. So I frequently get hungry for garlic breadsticks from Olive Garden throughout the day but that's neither here nor there.

Just for effect I'm going to "Where's the Mama?" insert the "Where's the Mama?" phrase I "Where's the Mama?" hear as often "Where's the Mama?" as I "Where's the Mama?" do throughout the "Where's the Mama?" day. I have tried "Where's the Mama?" just about everythi "Where's the Mama?" ng that I know "Where's the Mama?" to help him adjust "Where's the Mama?" but I'm not "Where's the Mama?" having any luck!

So, by now you get the idea about why I'm a little crazy after the day with this kid. I really do have mad skills when it comes to kids and most of the time I can win them over pretty quickly. There was this one other little boy that was there when I first started working that no one else wanted to deal with because he had so many problems and I absolutely had this kid loving me. This one would scream bloody murder when he had to take a nap and right now I think I would trade in Mr. Gorgeous for The Screamer. I mean I'm hearing this repetitive phrase in my sleep! My patience is waning and I really don't want to accidentally say out loud what I'm actually thinking everytime he asks this question. It would go something like this:
Mr. Gorgeous: "Where's the Mama?"
Me(What I really say): "She'll be back after naps sweetie!"
(What I'm thinking): "I don't freaking know where she is! She dropped you off probably because she needs a break from your mouth and now I get the pleasure! I may not be what you want but I'm what you get! Lucky Freakin Me! Now SHUT UP!!!!"

See how that could be irreparable damage to the child's psyche? So, I'll keep on keepin on and hopefully my daily prayers will be answered, "Please God, hurry this school year up so I can have a vacation!"

Man, I'm in a Mood

2009-03-07T12:00:00.002-06:00

Well, I should be cleaning my house and many other things right now but I don't feel good today because I've caught something from one or more of the little germ carrying rugrats that are my job during the week. (I do love them so)
I figure while I'm on a rant about my personal distress over how I look, I might as well make a list of pet peeves because I'm in a mood. (Ann, I might need an intervention but I want a makeover):)
So here goes in no particular order:

1. Men with long fingernails - this is just gross in general but I really hate when they are also filled with dirt underneath, ugh uber disgusting!
2. Stepping in something wet with socks on - there is just something about it that scheeves me out.
3. Being interrupted - especially when I'm in the middle of telling a great story that I know everyone will appreciate, except for the jerk that has to stick his/her two cents in and totally screw up the flow of my tale.
4. Getting up to pee in the middle of the night - this I've noticed happens more often after having children and getting older and it really sucks.
5. Not being able to eat anything in front of my kids without having to give them 3/4 of it. - I love them and this is the only reason I'll give up my delectables.
6. Going to a movie with someone which neither of us has seen and being asked what's happening. - um, didn't I just walk into the same movie with you and sit down at exactly the same time?
7. In addition to the above, hearing someone in the movie theatre that has seen it talk their way through it and relive it again out loud therefore ruining my experience. - shut your piehole people!
8. People who expect me to answer the phone all the time no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing because it's a cell phone and heaven forbid if I'm unavailable which is what the voicemail is for. (Hi Mom and Matthew)
9. Party Poopers - If you're in a foul mood don't go where other people are having fun and laughing because you will only feel worse when everyone ignores you because you are a selfish whiner.
10. Guilt trips - I'd rather be on a beach thank you very much.
11. Being late and others who are always late - (Hello again Matthew) I mean come on, you are a grown person who can tell time - get it together!
12. When you smile at someone and they don't smile back - I mean really, what is that? Did you not just see my beautiful smile? Are you really that down or are you just mean? I mean that really hurt my feelings!
13. Wow, I have a lot of pet peeves!
14. Wasting time like I'm doing right now because I'm avoiding the inevitable which is cleaning my house. (But I don't feel good!)
15. Expanding on the issue of cleaning my house: Why can't the people who live in this house flush the toilet? Are you all trying to get me to move out? Seriously!

Well, that covers most of it for now and I'm sure I could think of several more if I tried.

Disclaimer: The older I get the more annoyed with stuff I become. However, I myself have very likely been one or more of those pet peeves and so I will still love you if you yourself have identified with any of the above. But, if you are a man... cut your fingernails for heaven sakes!

The Hilarity Continues...

2009-03-06T21:52:00.002-06:00

Not only am I F-A-T but my face is turning into it's own constellation of zits. Pretty soon the Big Dipper will be clearly visible. What the hell is going on? Oh, and my eyebrow hair grows faster than the hair on my head. I can't tweeze fast enough before I see more little hairs peering out of hiding. If this is a joke on a woman's humanity - I'm not laughing. Is it not enough that we are the ones that push another human being from our bodies and end up with various reminders of the blessed event? Is it not enough that we expose of bodily fluids once a month with all the aches and rage that goes with it? I swear, I feel like I'm falling apart for crying out loud. Oh, and my skin has become so dry that I could sand wood with it. I won't even talk about my feet! Well, yes I will. I bought one of those Pedi-eggs that sand the bottoms of your feet and I worked so feverishly on them that the next day I get out of bed and literally can't walk. I sanded so hard that my feet were raw. (yeah, ouch) I slather lotion on like I'm planning a trip to Mars and still - sand paper skin.
What is a girl to do? I'm sure if your a man then this is TMI... well all I have to say is suck it! I'll feel bad for you when you realize that the hair in your ears is longer than the hair on your head. When your wearing your 32 size jeans right above your hips because you no longer have a waist and you get kicked out of bed for farting in your sleep.

It's Time to Call Jenny

2009-03-04T19:55:00.002-06:00

CRAIG! Holy crap I'm getting fat! It's on like Donkey Kong cuz this fatty was ticked this morning. I have this pair of jeans I HATE, not only are they my "fat" jeans but they just suck in general. They are one of those "mom" jeans that I pried myself out of some years ago now but because I began putting on weight after not working out I had no choice since I wasn't buying new ones. (note: it doesn't do any good to just not buy new fat jeans if you've kept the old ones)
So, I put on these ugly crap jeans only to realize that I actually can't button them! So, I'm done being in denial. I have this problem in my mind that I still think I'm cute and skinny until I look sideways in the mirror and then I see my hind quarters and in that moment I'm like, "Ok, this is getting serious..." and then moments later when I'm faced with "Do I want fries with that?" I say "Hell yeah I do, I'm stressed, I'm hungry and I want food!"
I have no idea what I weigh and I don't want to know. I do know that my clothes tell the tale and I'm FAT. To those that weigh significantly more than I do and are rolling their eyes right now, it all starts somewhere, right?

Raising Boys

2009-03-01T15:36:00.002-06:00

I'll preface this with the fact that I don't have girls so I have nothing to compare my boys to. I have heard how different boys and girls are and I've noticed some things from watching my nieces. Boys and girls are supposed to be different and that's what God intended. I just wonder sometimes if God isn't having a good laugh watching me raise these boys knowing that I really have no idea what they will do next and better yet, why! So, without further ado, raising boys through my female specs:

The word "fart" is the funniest and best word there is on the planet, as well as very versatile, it can be used in a song; " A, B, C, D, fart, fart, fart..." "Mary had a little fart, little fart..." It can be used to tell a joke that isn't even a joke, "knock, knock... who's there? My fart... bwahahahaha" It can be used to make each brother laugh at any given time especially in the car while the female parent is driving. (this word does not bother the male parent as he uses it frequently)

Playing with objects that can be used to impale a person is the ideal way to spend quality time together. Bonding occurs when one takes the object and delivers a blow to the face/head and the female parent runs in taking said object away and making the two hug each other and play something less violent.

Boy drama is different than girl drama only in how they tell each other off and get over it. Boys generally use less words and get the point across fast with "You're a dummy head" and "Smelly brother booty" There aren't really hurt feelings even if the female parent is telling the one saying these things that there are so the other one taking the insults feels justice has been served. Once again all is well and they are best friends, playing as though nothing happened. (I'm thankful for this one!)

Boys make better gun noises than girls and I've never figured out why this is. They also perfect the sounds that the light sabers make from Star Wars. They understand and memorize all the characters from such movies but if you ask them where they left their shoes they look at you like you just asked them to find Grant's Tomb.

If you ask them to pick up their room, this means to shove everything in piles in different parts of the room as long as most of the floor can be seen.
In general boys don't care about being dirty and my boys are no exception, however if just their hands are dirty they freak out (go figure).

I have to say that it's true that boys don't talk as much as girls and therefore don't communicate their feelings as well but when they do it is blissful. When they let the female parent know how much they love her and tell her that she is pretty or smells nice, it's better than most anything life has to offer. I'm glad I have boys, they make me laugh, they make me crazy, they make me know a truer love than I can express. I love you Logan and Holden!

Expectations

2009-02-28T16:05:00.002-06:00

I don't know why but I can't get this topic out of head! The Lord must be needing me to write about this so I will.

Life is a funny thing. It is FULL of expectations, no matter what you're doing there is one of those beastly expectancies lurking in every corner waiting to disappoint you. Sometimes though if you manage to tell yourself often enough not to expect anything from someone or something, then you will often either be happily surprised or at the very least not surprised at all and that is better than any disappointment.
People are the worst at fulfilling an expectation because as soon as you begin to hope for the best in someone, they will always disappoint you. The same is true for ourselves, we will always disappoint someone else as well.
I have had the hardest time with people in general in the past and because the Lord has worked on me in this area I believe I have become much better at hoping for the best and not expecting anything so as to be either happily surprised or not surprised at all. God has taught me and has pushed it through my thick skull that He is the only one that will never disappoint me. It is too much of a burden to put on friends and family to "expect" that they will know what to do or be there when you need them, etc. I used to get so mad because I felt like I had no one to talk to and often felt sorry for myself. Which, don't get me wrong if it's the wrong time of the month I still do plenty of that but now I can get over it much easier.
I think the need to please others comes from a person's own expectations of themselves and really doesn't have much to do with others as it does expecting people to appreciate you and like you. When you don't receive your pats on the back you end up resentful and wondering why no one appreciates the kind of person you are.
Expectations followed by disappointments are so much a part of life that whether or not we realize it they happen all day, everyday. Realizing that God is the only one in this life that will never disappoint us is vital to surviving this world. He is our rope and harness as we rock climb this mountain of life.

Sister Update

2009-02-23T16:02:00.002-06:00

First of all, thank you for your prayers. Melinda had surgery today in order for her lungs to drain all the junk in her lungs. The surgery went without a hitch (thank God) but she is in so much pain right now. Keep her in your prayers! I really appreciate it because I know it works!
On the lighter side of things, my other little sister (Kelly) and I went to the hospital last night to see her. It's almost a relief when you're sad about a loved one that is hurting to be able to laugh at some of the goings on in the other rooms. Last night I got a kick out of this lady, let's call her Pinky (she was wearing a pink robe). At first I wasn't quite sure if she was a patient or she worked there because she seemed to know her way around and looked like she was in charge. She had to have been a patient though because I don't know many people that go to work in their bathrobes (and she had on the standard hospital attire underneath). So, we are all outside waiting for the nurses to alleviate Melinda from having to get up every time she needed to go the the bathroom and I notice that Pinky is writing on the medical papers she had outside her room. Huh? Like I said, she had her run of the joint... must've been erasing something and writing in for better pain meds or something or scratching out her scheduled surgery for the next day, very weird. It made us laugh though and we needed it. Later I was out in the hall talking to my husband on the phone and out she comes with what looked like groceries. She trots herself into the little kitchen area and starts banging around in there for a bit, putting her things away. Hmmm, maybe she filled out her medical papers so she could have surgery and have extra pain meds because she needed some time off. Pinky's idea of a vacation. You never know, it takes all kinds!

Prayer Request

2009-02-21T22:41:00.002-06:00

I would love it if everyone could say a prayer for my sister Melinda. She had to go into the hospital for pneumonia and is very sick. There has been good news after quite a scare, in which the doctors were checking for a blood clot and thankfully there wasn't anything like that. The pneumonia is pretty bad though and they will probably have to drain some of the fluid off of her lungs via some sort of needle. Yuck! I know in my heart that God is taking care of her and He is giving the doctors and nurses wisdom in treating her. Please pray for a quick recovery. She has beautiful twin girls and a son that need her to be well. So far she will have to be in the hospital for about 2 days. Thank you so much, I believe in the power of prayer. I love you Mel!

Not the Shy Sweet One

2009-02-21T10:14:00.002-06:00

I know why parents lose their minds. I understand how the elderly get Alzheimer's, alert the scientists everywhere! If they can find a cure for their children so that they refrain from throwing temper tantrums and becoming possessed by unseen forces, then I'm sure that mental illness and old age mind loss will be a thing of the past. I'm starting to think that Alzheimer's is really just the parents way of getting back at their kids. (I realize this isn't the case and that it is actually a very serious disease, so don't write me about it... it's an attempt at humor)

So this morning I wake up with the intent that I'm going to actually make breakfast for everyone (in honor that my husband has the weekend off, very rare this time of year). I decide on blueberry muffins, because who doesn't like blueberry muffins? Well I'll try to reenact the morning:
Logan (the 9 yr old) is already awake and peacefully watching Saturday morning cartoons. I let the dog back in and she runs into Holden's room and I go in there because I was afraid she would wake him up.. too late, he's awake! Aw, my precious baby has his arms out to me and wants a hug to which I gladly give him. (sidenote: since he could talk, the 1st thing he has always said to us in the morning is "I'm hungry" ) So I gently pull him from his bed and I'm holding him when the inevitable is said: "I'm hungry". Well, since I actually have a plan for breakfast already I happily respond with "Mommy's making blueberry muffins!"
Holden: "I don't WAAAAAAAAAAnt blueberry muffins! I WAAAAAAAAAAnt something else"
Me: (calmly) "Well, that's what mommy's making."
Holden: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Me: (not as calmly) "Holden, that is what I'm making, you like blueberry muffins."
Holden: "NOOOOO IIIIIII DOOOOOOOON"T!"
Me: (Putting him down and walking out of his room) "I'm not listening to this, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"
Holden: (running after me and draping himself on my legs so I can't move) " I WAAAAAAAnt something else"
Me: (Yanking him off of me and sprinting into the living room) "Holden, you can't even tell me what you want and it doesn't matter because I'm making muffins."
Holden: " WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Me: (trying to ignore the tantrum but because I have pms I'm getting very annoyed and don't want to beat the child)
I begin to make the muffins...
Holden: "I don't waaaaaaant muffins, I waaaaaaant something else!"
Me: "If you keep this up we are not going to be able to get you signed up for t-ball."
Holden: (immediately the tears dry up and he perks up, looks to his brother who is enmeshed in the tv and is successfully blocking his little brother out)"Brother, I'm going to play t-ball! Brother... Brother..."
Me: "Answer HIM!"
Holden: (turning to me after he was satisfied with his brother's attention)"Please can I have something else?"
Me: "WHAT?"
Holden: "I want to show you."
Me: (taking a deep breath and giving in, why? Because I have pms and I need him to be quiet) "Holden, if you eat something else then you cannot have a muffin later." (I still have to enforce some sort of rule, right?)
Holden: (shows me he wants Golden Grahams)
I finish making the muffins while Holden happily eats his cereal. (or so I thought)
Muffins are done.
Holden: "Mom, I want a muffin."
I walk into where he's eating and only the milk is gone from the cereal.
Me: "I told you no muffin, go eat your cereal."
Holden: "I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnt a muffin!"

The story ends with sweet little Holden sitting on his bed in his room to think about how he treats his mother and me enjoying my blueberry muffins as God intended.
Holden still hasn't eaten the cereal or a muffin, so I can't wait to hear how hungry he'll be for lunch.

You Can't Please Everyone

2009-02-18T20:53:00.002-06:00

Heaven knows, I've tried. I used to be the type of person that couldn't stand it if someone had an inkling of a negative thought about me. I would still rather have everyone think I'm the shiznit, however, it's exhausting to try and be something you're not. I've learned that once you're up on that pedastal of never wanting to disappoint someone that when you do, suddenly you're not the shiznit and nothing you can do will change it. You can try and rectify whatever it was that got you into trouble but it seems like the harder you work to please the more of a mess you make yourself. Learning to say no is one of the hardest things to do for some of us. I've always been envious of people that can just say no and never care about what kind of effect it has on others. I think that learning this technique is the ONLY good thing about getting older. It's not really that you don't care for others, it's about knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It's about caring about the effect on those closest to you, like my children and husband. It's also most importantly caring about the effects on yourself. Is it selfish to be this way? Maybe a little, but for the right reasons. I can say this for sure... if I say no to you it's because I want to be completely there for you when I say yes. I don't want to half-ass my efforts and be resentful and act like some sort of martyr. It has become a pet peeve of mine to hear people pleasers out there who after they've agreed to something, whine about how put out they always are and how no one else cares as much as they do. I can identify with this because that is what I'm trying to avoid in myself(which is probably why it bothers me). I don't want that for myself anymore. Come on everyone and join me! Say no to at least one thing a week, consider this a challenge. The world won't end, it won't rain fire and you won't be struck by lightning because you said no. You will have more free time to learn how to not feel guilty afterwards... and when you do (it will happen) - get over it! Freedom now!

You Can't Handle the Truth!

2009-02-17T10:16:00.002-06:00

One of the best lines in a movie. Jack Nicholson facing off with Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men. Love that movie!
It's also true for the most part. If someone asks you how you are and let's say you're not having the greatest day, do you really tell them how you're feeling? Or are you like me and say "Good", even though I don't really feel good at all. But really, no one wants to hear the truth. There are some people out there and you know who you are, they will tell their whole life story when you ask them how they are. These are the people I like to call "Debbie Downers". Not because I'm not concerned about them but because something is always wrong. You ask, "how are you" and the response will undoubtedly begin with "Ugh, I woke up late because my dog kept me up whining all night", and end with "Now, I have this terrible headache I can't get rid of", etc and so forth. So, even though I try and handle the truth, sometimes I just can't handle their truth.
Another form of the "truth" that can't be handled has been labeled by comedians and funny people everywhere - A woman asking her husband/boyfriend if she looks fat in whatever she's wearing. Really? I'm sure this happens because it wouldn't be used to describe women so frequently, however WHO DOES THIS? If you look fat in something it's because you are fat. It's certainly not because you're clothes are making you look that way and if they are making your fat look fatter, it's because you're in denial and buying the WRONG size. My husband can attest to me having never asked this question, I'm not a moron and I don't need him to tell me that I'm busting out of my jeans - I can feel it and see it for myself. So all of you ladies out there who can't handle the truth, don't ask the question!
The most important truth, it seems so many people are struggling with is that Jesus is our Saviour. He came to this earth and died on the cross so that we can have eternity with him. It seems that for whatever reason the times have changed so drastically that if you believe this, then you are not being inclusive. It's strange to me that people like Madonna who believe in Kabbalah or Richard Gere, who believes in Budda are somehow respected for these beliefs and left alone. The same isn't true for followers of Christ. It seems like if someone has faith in Jesus, then they are thought of as "Holy Rollers" or made fun of. Jesus told his followers that the road would be a hard one if they were going to follow Him. Matthew 5:11-12, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in Heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
Jesus is the way, the TRUTH and the life!

I'm a Valentine Scrooge

2009-02-13T16:38:00.004-06:00

I know that towards the end of my rant about this pink and red holiday that I may come across as being bitter, but I assure you I'm not... at least not anymore. Perhaps I was... many moons ago as a youngster in grade school and that's where my scroogieness began.
My son Logan is now in the 3rd grade, so I've been to my share of Valentine's parties. My other son, Holden just had his 1st taste of this holiday. They both love it, not because of the love but because of the all the sugar they will consume in an 8 hour time span. And so it goes... a "list" of all the students names will be sent home about a week in advance. Another list will be sent with it that gives me a choice of what kind of "treat" I should buy (not make, BUY). I get it, I might make something and then someone will get sick, yada, yada. Not sure that buying things anymore is such a great idea either it seems. Peanut paste anyone?
Well, back in the day... I remember a much different experience. 1st of all there wasn't a list sent home to the parents with ALL the students names. Excuse me? Where was the insight when I was in school? I busted my butt making my V-Day sack! I carefully glued my red and white doilies on and drew little hearts all around. I would then write my name in big bubble letters so everyone would see how to spell it (one l please). I would be so excited that next morning and could hardly wait to get to class and see how overflowing with valentines my sack would be. As I walked into the classroom all giddy with excitement and then approaching my sack to see how many people loved me and peering into it only to realize that 2 valentines were there, and one was from the weird kid in class. It was only until the teacher would announce that we would deliver our valentines during the party that my sadness would subside. I had more time and had 2 valentines to start with! I do have to say that back in the day a Valentine party was a PARTY. No fruit or veggies, SUGAR and lots of it. HOMEMADE sugar at that, cupcakes and cookies and candy... Oh my! So now, the moment of truth, our sacks! Well, it did have more cards and goodies in it this time but wait a minute? Don't we have like 25 kids in here? But I have only like 15 valentines? There must be some mistake... oh wait, here's a big one! Oh, it's from the teacher. This BITES! There was always the popular girl whose sack was really overflowing - Shelley Reid was the girl at my school, bleck! I still have it in for her!
Oh well, so Valentines Day isn't what it once was, too bad really. I think it built character to have your bubble letters burst. Everything is way too politcially correct these days. Heaven forbid if you don't give everyone a card and a treat. Don't make the party food - buy it!
I mean look at me now! I totally think this is one way overrated holiday and I'm saving my husband from the headache, not to mention the money. So what if I'm a Valentine Scrooge, I come by it fair and square!

Just a Suggestion

2009-02-10T09:15:00.004-06:00

I will tell you right now that I was not an Obama fan but I'm trying to respect him as our President. I will try and listen with as much of an open mind as I can muster but irony is just not wasted on a mind like mine. I'm not sure if any of you read my comments on Oprah (the penny pinching self-improvement show she did) but I have a suggestion for her, a show idea if you will...
I think it would be fan-stinking-tabulous if she would have the whole current administration on her show with the whole senate and congress included. At the same time bring on all the "professionals" some might say "self-help gurus". I'm thinking the author of "The Secret" would be a great addition as well. The gurus would undoubtedly give the great advice they gave to all of us "Create a POSITIVE wish board!" Put up happy pictures and quotes of the way you "want" your life to go. Right? Or how about having the Penny Pinching family that was on the other day? They could go over our National Budget for them and start crossing off all that crap we don't need right now, Oh Happy Day! You would think this would be so easy since Obama and Oprah are BFF's. Doesn't he watch her show? Hmmm, maybe she gives him anxiety too.

The Blog World

2009-02-07T10:31:00.002-06:00

I have had so much fun writing on this blog and receiving such sweet comments from fellow bloggers. It's very tempting to create a world that only exists here on my blog but I've tried being honest about who I am. My outlook on certain situations is far from the way I would like to be but I know God is still working on me and I'm ok with that. I really want to be real and not pretend like I have everything under control because there are days when I am SO not in control of my feelings or thoughts. My life has been very full and I know God is looking out for me in so many ways. He blessed me with who could possibly be the best mom while I was growing up and still to this day she looks out for me and my sisters. My husband and I have had a rough road but we love each other and have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys. We both believe in commitment and that it's not so much about the warm fuzzy feeling than it is about being faithful to each other and to live God's plan for our lives. He intrusted us with these 2 boys and hopefully they will learn that even though life is hard at times that running away from problems isn't the way to go and there is too much good that would be missed if you give up. I want to be very real on my blog. I don't want anyone to think I have all the answers or just share all the happy times, so I've come up with some facts about who I am (so far).

1. I'm very sarcastic and sometimes even cynical in my thinking.
2. Although I am those things I try to find the good in everyone.
3. I trust until someone proves they can't be trusted and I have a very hard time trusting that person after that.
4. I find humor in almost everything (not tragedy though, by any means)
5. I learned a long time ago not to gossip and if I'm not comfortable telling someone how I feel to their face then I don't talk about it behind their back.
6. I don't know if I believe in being in-love, I believe that it takes work to live with another person and that love evolves into a greater feat of human strength.
7. I think that the love I have for my children is unexplainable and have an irrational fear of being taken away from them.
8. I have depression and take meds for it. I have very strong feelings about getting help for this condition and if you needs meds then by all means, take them! (Sorry Tom Cruise)
9. I have very few girlfriends and always wished that weren't the case. But I do have one of the greatest best friends anyone could hope for and she is a girl!
10. I've never understood why I haven't had close girlfriend relationships. It could be because I don't enjoy shopping, I LOVE football and would rather be watching the game than in the kitchen (not sure how that tradtion was started but it's a dumb one), I don't do drama (at all!), I think you should tell someone how you feel and then get over it and just accept each other because life is too short. (these are just a few reasons but I think I'm on to something)
11. I used to be very organized but am struggling with this now for some reason. I blame my husband - it has to be his fault somehow.
12. I sometimes secretly wish I could just spend a week at a hotel by myself, so I can rejuvenate my mind and soul.
13. I'm not perfect, won't claim to be and I want people to be able to relate to me. Which is why I don't like Martha Stewart, who has the time to do all that fussy crap she does?

Well, that's about it for now. I will write stories on here that are happy and some that aren't. I don't want others to try and fix my messes because that's God's job but I do appreciate advice and encouraging comments always. I love being a part of this world that is BLOG.

Look What I Got!

2009-02-05T08:48:00.003-06:00

I received this award from Tim Thompson from his Fort Thompson blog! Since I'm new to blogging I am so honored to have been mentioned by him. He has very funny and sweet stories about his beautiful family that I truly enjoy reading. (And I'm not just saying that because he gave me an award!) Also, since I'm new I have no idea how to link to his blog as I've seen done on others blogs so I'll just post his blog address: http://fortthompson.blogspot.com/

Thanks Tim!

Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine!

2009-02-03T17:25:00.002-06:00

How the heck am I supposed to get of a rut when I keep being submerged in it? I know everyone is having money trouble but I DON'T WANT ANY MORE TROUBLE! I've had 2 calls today from collection agencies and no, I do not talk to them. I have a theory that whomever invented voicemail had strict intentions of avoiding these asinine people. They call and say "It's very important that you return my phone call" and they even have the audacity at times to use your first name as if they were calling on friendly terms. Not only did I receive these pleasant phone calls today but I also happened upon Oprah Winfrey's show today. Let me just say this, I used to like her very much and I still respect that she does very good things- but for Pete's sake, how many self-improvement shows can someone do? Damn, if I had her money then there wouldn't be a problem that taking off and ending up on a beach wouldn't cure. Today's show was all about finances and how people could save money in this tough economy. I'm sorry but the irony of Oprah's wealth and her having a discussion on how I can penny pinch my way to wealth wasn't wasted on me. I think I was a penny pincher in a past life I'm so accustomed to it and frankly Oprah, you're shows give me anxiety.
I hope I speak for all penny pinchers everywhere when I say "Kiss my penny pinching butt Oprah!"

From Room of Doom to Room of Va Va Va Voom!

2009-01-31T21:17:00.003-06:00

Before

After

Can I get a Whoop Whoop and a Hell Yeah?!
I spent ALL day getting this room together and I am exhausted. Instead of a room of doom, I now have a play area for the kids. Note: they were NOT allowed to play in it when I was done, it's the principal of the thing. After organizing my brains out I wasn't ready to have anything taken back out. I won't be crazy forever, just a couple of weeks and then I should be able to let the kids back in there. He he...
I know I have issues, I'm like that though, after I clean the kitchen, I don't want to cook. After I clean the bathrooms, if I see a drop of boy-urine on the toilet or around the toilet I will let them know about it and yes, there are certain towels that shouldn't be man-handled and thrown on the floor. After I wash the sheets, I HAVE to take a shower and my husband will need to do the same (on my request). This isn't after just picking up clean, it's after clean cleaning, the scrubbing kind and I don't see a problem at all with how I handle it, it's perfectly normal! Right?

And the Winner is...

2009-01-30T11:32:00.004-06:00

LOGAN!!!

I am so proud to announce that my son has won a Perserverance Award and was one of 2 kids in his class to have this honor. Each class had to pick 2 students that have shown perserverance throughout the year thus far. When his teacher Mrs. Garren announced his name she said that he worked hard in class no matter what was going on in the classroom. Did I say I was proud? He is such a great kid and I feel so blessed that God chose me to raise him!

I Need To Dance, I Need Friends

2009-01-29T20:23:00.004-06:00

As life goes along, people often go in and out of our lives for various reasons. This happens to all of us, as we get older. I am very lucky to have had the same best friend since Middle School and we have stayed in touch with each other through everything. She's always lived miles away in different states and we've always remained very close. I feel so very blessed to have her. I'm a pretty independent person and I like to be alone, but at the same time I'm hard wired for being social and going out, having fun and laughing with friends. My best friend and I lived to go out dancing when we were younger and just recently my husband rented Mamma Mia and it reminded me of that time. A strange thing happened after I watched it - I got sad. Usually when I watch a musical it makes me feel good and happy but not this time. Mamma Mia is a fun movie (weird at times, I think it was the casting but I digress), in it my favorite song plays - Dancing Queen. That scene made me think about how I used to dance and have fun so much more often. It made me miss having friends to go out with and being the "Dancing Queen". It's not that I'm just miserable or anything, I love my family so much and I know that my life is by far much more full than I could ever imagine. I just don't want to miss out on the silly girl fun that I don't get much of these days.
I know people that are absolutely fine without a lot of friends in their life (my hubby for one) but I'm just not wired that way. I need friends and I need to be social, I need to dance!!!

SO Proud!

2009-01-24T12:23:00.002-06:00

I'm bursting with happiness over someone in my family winning an award. I can't say what type of award yet or who it is because it's a surprise to that person and just in case the little smarty pants wanders in snooping, I wouldn't want to spoil it. I'll just say he's small but not the smallest!(he he)
When I found out about it, I wasn't feeling particularly great because of just personal junk mucking up my mojo. It's funny how God shows up at just the right moments!
It left me feeling that even if I never do anything else in my whole life, the fact that I'm a mom who takes that responsibility seriously and loves my children beyond anything I ever thought I could love another human being, will be the most important thing and the greatest thing I'll ever do.
I often get sad when I watch the news and hear horror stories about what adults and even parents do to their children. I look at my boys and can't fathom how someone coud ever mistreat a child. I worry about every move they make, pray over them and worry some more. I watch these stories about abuse or neglect and worse and get so angry at these people.
I hope I can be the kind of mother that will raise my children to not just win awards but who will really be good people. I hope that when they will have children, they show them the same love and protection that Matt and I have shown them.
I am so proud of both my boys! More about the award at a later time!

The Sensitive Type

2009-01-23T08:18:00.002-06:00

I just had to share this because it was one of those moments with my child that made me love him even more than ever. (if that's possible)
My 4 yr old Holden has been sick and yesterday we just watched TV (because that's what you do when your sick). Well, the movie Air Bud was on and we decided to watch it since he loves movies with dogs in them and I'd actually never seen it. (not sure how, maybe Logan was too small when it 1st came out)
Anyhow, if you've seen it, then you're familiar with the part towards the end when the little boy has to give Bud back. If not, just recall any movie with a dog in it and they either die or the child has to return it. Either way, there will be a reason to bawl your head off. Well, my little sensitive son jumps in my lap with his head down, trying his hardest not to cry. I start asking him if the movie is making him sad and he shakes his head yes (still not looking at me). We have a dog too, a Boxer named Laila (get it?) and I begin to figure out that he is just really in touch with what it would feel like to have to say goodbye to a pet. I ask him if it's making him sad because he wouldn't want to give Laila away and let me tell you - the water works begin and my poor little boy is just racked with sobs. It broke my heart but at the same time I felt almost proud that he was so in touch with his feelings because now I'm not alone! I just held that baby trying to soothe him, telling him that Bud was coming back to help the little boy win the big game! When he saw Bud run back in, he started crying all over again! - That's my boy!
I'll just enjoy these moments since that stuff probably won't fly when he gets older. I'm trying to picture his father blubbering over Air Bud - um... nope, not a great visual. But for right now, my little Holden can cry his eyes out and I'll cry right along with him!

New Blog Music!

2009-01-22T09:07:00.002-06:00

I am still trying to figure out how to better personlize this blog of mine, so when I figured out how to post music I got so excited!
The 1st 2 songs are really the ones I identify with the most because I LOVE to dance.
The song "I hope you dance" has more meaning since that is what my theme for this blog is... enjoy life and live it! It's what I tell my kids and hope they take the advice throughout their lives. Unfortuantely, it's advice I'm still trying to grasp on to, but it's never too late!
Updates on my 2009 to do list: I LOVE doing random acts of kindness everyday for others. (even if I do know them - they don't mind) I don't go around telling everyone either, it's just a conscious decision I make on a daily basis and it really helps in times when it would be easier to get frustrated at someone to just smile and be kind anyway. Or, if you can tell someone is having a rough day, just asking them if there's anything you can do will cause them to pause and take a breath. It's a beautiful thing!
So far, this month as a family our "new" thing we're doing is playing the Wii together. (so much fun!) But the new is wearing off so on to February. It's difficult because Matt works so much until after April.(he's a trust tax accountant!)
I'll figure something out though!
So far the thing I've been doing for myself and not feeling guilty about is reading. Even though that may not sound like something to feel guilty about, if you have kids and like to read, the only time you can pick up a book is when they're asleep and by then I'm so tired.
Still working on the rest!
God Bless and remember to Live Well, Laugh Often and Love Much!

Prayers for Baby Harper

2009-01-19T11:34:00.003-06:00

I don't know this family personally but I feel like I do. (somehow God ties us all together through any means nessecary to serve His purpose) I believe we have all been brought to this blog for a reason.
I can't post anything else until I request prayers for this little girl. She is receiving many prayers from so many people but a few more won't hurt! She is just so precious and her pictures remind me so much of when Holden was hooked up to all that stuff, looking helpless and me just wanting to hold him so desperately. I know what Kelly (her beautiful mom) must be feeling and I pray for her to have peace during this difficult time. Just click on the button to visit her site and see how beautiful Harper is! God is GOOD and I am believing that she will be healed.

Exhaustion, Depression and Hormones, OH MY!

2009-01-17T12:28:00.002-06:00

Let me start this by saying I know a little of what Sybil must've felt like, with all those personalities rolling around in her head and all. Maybe instead of a story about a poor abused girl who grew into a woman with a gajillion different people running amok in her brain, it was really just an exaggerated version of a fairly normal woman with her hormones running amok.

Let's see, my personalities consist of "Sally Sweet" - for about a week or so I'm the sweetest, nicest mom and wife you'd ever want to meet. I don't mind cleaning, I love cooking and have a giddy up in my step that catapults me out the door to run the many errands that help maintain this household. But only for a week (at the most).
Then there is "Lonely Lil'"- for a little more than a week I feel sorry for myself that I have very few friends and no one calls me to see how I am. I only have my children to talk to and they are little men of few words. I become introverted during this time and don't call anyone myself because I think no one likes me.
And how about "Betty Boredom" - after the last week I become bored with the pity party and my home life and have all this anxious energy I can't expunge because Lonely Lil' didn't call any of her friends for a week! So I take out my frustration on my poor husband because it's probably some how all his fault.
Finally we wrap up this ecclectic group with the super power of all - "Hormonal Hattie". She is the worst and I don't know how my family survives her rantings of lunacy. This is the girl that shows up before the period. (sorry if there are fellas reading this but I'm sure even some of you will understand) Hormonal Hattie for some reason doesn't really look out for the well being of others and rational behavior goes out the window. She thinks that she is entitled to be pissed off at nothing in peticular and has the right to cry for no reason. The people around Hattie sometimes don't understand that it's best to leave this creature alone and let the beast remain as quiet as possible. Without meaning to, the people around her will trip over Hattie while she sits simmering in whatever made her angry at that moment, unleashing the beast within. The beast will always spare her children but the man will be eaten alive.
This is my apology to that man and my appreciation that he endures all these personalities because he loves me. My advice is to enjoy Sally Sweet because there are only about 2 days left.

Have you ever?

2009-01-13T09:09:00.003-06:00

-Have you ever fought a package, trying to open it all by yourself for like, 10 minutes or so, then realizing you could just get a pair of scissors and have it open in 3 seconds?
-Have you ever looked for the remote control for 20 minutes before realizing you could just walk up to the television and change the channel?
-Have you ever tripped over an object that was invisible and then continued looking for it because you couldn't have been that clumsy?
-Have you ever seen someone wave to you and then wave back only to discover that they were actually waving to the person standing behind you? (don't be embarrassed, you didn't know them anyway!)
-Have you ever been talking to someone in a very noisy situation trying to be louder than the noise, and then suddenly the noise stops and you end up yelling something very loudly that you would rather not have the whole world hearing?
-Have you ever called someone by the wrong name for a whole day before someone tells you that's not their name? (and the person you were doing that to never says a word!)
-Have you ever run into someone you know only you can't remember their name and your standing next to your spouse unable to introduce them?
(WOMEN ONLY)- Have you ever left the house without make-up, looking like you just rolled out of bed and then run into an old friend you haven't seen in years?
-Have you ever walked around all day with something in between your teeth and no one tells you!

There are many more "have you evers" but my point in this is that no matter what walk of life we come from, who we are, who we know, etc., there are things that we ALL have in common. So the next time you are out among all the people and someone has rubbed you the wrong way or you find yourself feeling out of place, remember that no one escapes these experiences! Be kind to others, Phillipians 2:3 - Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Have a blessed day!

I Heart Faces Contest

2009-01-13T08:11:00.012-06:00

Here is my 1st entry for a cute fun little contest that lets you show off your favorite photos. Just click on the I heart faces button. My entry speaks for itself. Everyone that doesn't live with us always comments on how quiet and shy he seems...

Sendentary Saturdays

2009-01-10T13:51:00.004-06:00

I have so much to do that I literally can't get myself up to do it. There is the "room of doom", (the room in our house that holds everything we don't know what to do with yet and when people come over we close the door. As if that will be the magic that makes it all disappear.) It used to be Holden's old bedroom but when the boys started sharing a room, all the toys went there and haven't come out of hiding since. My own bedroom is an atrocity of stuff that we can't fit into the room of doom. I have good intentions but you know what they say about that road. Well, I feel like I'm in it - hell, that is. On my list I have said that I need to organize my house, so why when I have a whole Saturday don't I take the opportunity and tackle some of these things? Well, I don't know is the short answer and the long answer is also "I don't know" and believe me, the longer I sit around not being able to figure out what my problem is the longer the list of to do's becomes. I go into the room of doom and just stare at everything piling up on the floor - and then I leave, closing the door behind me. Ta Da! I made it disappear.

Look at the picture, isn't it neat how many containers I have and there is even an organization unit in the corner! Wow, maybe I can put them to good use today, or next Saturday perhaps!

Oh my Sooners!

2009-01-09T07:24:00.002-06:00

I can't believe how sad I can get over a football game! I thought they played really well even though they didn't win. I have to say that it is ridiculous how many things were NOT called on the Gators. I know I sound like a sore loser (which I am) but seriously! And the announcers, my gosh! If I weren't watching the game and only listening to it, I wouldn't have known the Sooners were even on the field, UGH! They couldn't get off how "great" those Gators were. Whatever, I happen to think that 5 consecutive games with over 60 points is pretty "great" as well!!!

I had to vent on this one before I got on with my day. I still and will always love my Sooners!

Boomer Sooner!

Things I now understand as an adult that I was oblivious to as a child

2009-01-08T09:12:00.004-06:00

I sometimes wish for the innocence of childhood especially when I watch my own children. It made me think about how different life is approached as we get older. It is way less complicated to be a child and it's funny how as a child we can't wait to get older. I have a list of things I now understand about my parents and other adults that I didn't have a clue of as a child.

1. Money really doesn't grow on trees and just because you have checks (or checkcard now) doesn't mean you have any money.
2. Having all the lights on in the house is problematic.
3. Having brand new shoes on doesn't make you run any faster. (but I am so glad mom let me think it did-I've passed that one on)
4. Making good grades is important and will make a difference.
5. Running with scissors or any other sharp object is very dangerous.
6. Playing in the street is actually not a good idea.
7. Being more upset over your child getting hurt than they are makes perfect sense.
8. Hanging out with the right friends is very important and will make a difference in who you become.
9. You really can't fly even with a super cool cape on fashioned from a blanket.
10. Television does fry your brain. (and if you sit too close you might not lose your vision but will have a really bad headache)
11. Your face won't stay that way when making a funny face, but it will annoy if done over and over again.
12. Playing outside is good for you and keeps you from getting fat and lazy.
13. Knowing where your child is every minute is not a form of punishment but is being a good parent.
14. Being one of the "popular"kids in school won't make a bit of difference in the real world.
15. I really don't think I have ever used Algebra.
16. Some "music" really does sound like it comes from the devil.
17. The "oldies" are goodies.
18. It's ok to buy your clothes from Wal-Mart or Target because labels are ridiculous.
19. You can make your parents crazy.
20. Being brought up to know the Lord is a gift.

...and I'm sure there are so many more.

I love knowing now things I didn't know then and isn't it interesting that the same wisdom will be passed on and on from our children to theirs. (let's hope!)

God Bless!

My guilty pleasure - Reality TV

2009-01-06T10:49:00.003-06:00

Ok, I have to admit that some reality tv is just too good to miss. I watched the "Bachelor" last night and it was like watching a train wreck... I couldn't look away.
I'm not sure where they pick the girls to be on this show. Maybe they're in bars or on the side of the road waiting to be taken to Hollywood and "discovered".
I know I discovered how embarrased I could get just watching them make fools of themselves and I wasn't even there in person. This poor guy doesn't even know how ridiculous the whole situation was because he was being pulled in 25 different directions and could not possibly have been able to focus on any of them long enough to notice that the majority were certifiable. I did pick 2 out of the 25 loons that were possibly there for the right reason (if that's even plausible).
I still can't help but watch these shinanigans and laugh - but I think it's mostly a nervous laugh because the whole time I feel this knot in the pit of my stomach because of the absurdity of their actions. It amazes me that what seems like a normal looking girl that seems to have it all together with a job and a family could end up on this show, cursing out some other chick because of a GUY. 1st of all - did the producers tell each girl individually that she was going to be the only one on the show? Haven't they seen this program before or have they been raised in a jungle or popped out of a tramp-in-the-box? (too harsh? you didn't see the show) It would seem their families would take them aside and say "Please don't make a complete fool out of yourself, for the sake of our family." But then again, maybe they do and when the cameras go on they just lose their minds. I also hope for the sake of women everywhere that it's editing. Whatever the case may be, it's fascinating! What does that say about me? Hmmmm? Oh well, next Monday you know where I'll be!

Never too late for pictures

2009-01-04T17:52:00.020-06:00

Christmas was wonderful! (as you can see) The boys finally got a Wii from Santa and although we didn't have tons of presents for them to open they were thrilled. Santa played a game with them and had a really big box wrapped up with several smaller boxes inside.(which were also wrapped) The smallest and last box contained a note (or clue) to where to find their present. When they figured out the clue they ran to find another wrapped box and another clue would be inside with a small part to the Wii. (this went on for around 3 clues and they finally found the BIG prize)- it was so much fun.
The pictures are some of my favorites. God bless!

1st sight of Christmas morning.

The game begins...

Finally!

my husband Matt

Cousins

silly cousins

my dad, aunt Amy, sister Melinda

Kelly & Cory (sis and bnl)

Sweet Sadie (my niece)

me and my dad

The New Year

2009-01-02T16:26:00.002-06:00

I know I'm a little late on posting for New Year's and I still want to get a few of my Christmas pictures on, but I wanted to take my time and figure out what I wanted to write about.

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions because I know that I will intentionally "forget" what it is I said I was going to do. This year though, I feel a little different and maybe that has to do with this blog. I want out of the rut and need accountability through writing on this blog, so I have a top ten list of things I want to do.

1. Run a 5k ( this is funny because I HATE running, but I'm going to do this).

2. Do at least one random act of kindness to someone I don't know everyday this year. (I'm already kind enough to everyone I do know) -giggle.

3. Each month, do something new as a family.

4. Do a better job of keeping in touch with people I love.

5. Do things I really like to do and not feel guilty about it.

6. Care less about what others think of me.

7. Organize my house so that I am happy to live in it.

8. Eat better and take better care of my body.

9. Not feeling guilty if I don't eat better. - giggle, giggle.

10. Lean on God way more often.

I'll be posting my Christmas pictures soon. Love to everyone and

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Christmas Train

2008-12-23T10:27:00.005-06:00

It was FREEZING, and it was also a warm experience that I shared with my sisters and I'm so thankful I was able to go.
I'm refering to a special place right here in Oklahoma called "The Christmas Train" in a little "town" outside of Pryor called "Dry Gulch". It was started by a pastor by the name of Willie George who leads a pretty popular church here called Church on the Move. He wanted to spread the true story of Christmas so that people from all walks of life could know Jesus.

When the idea was 1st presented to me, my first thought was I really didn't want to freeze and I also had visions of the boys walking around with red cheeks and their noses running all over the place, shouting every 10 minutes or so that they had to go to the bathroom (which, in my opinion should be added as an Olympic event in the wintertime).
But something told me that I don't get to have these opportunites with my sisters all that often and that I should seize this one. I'm glad I did.

It was a true Christmas fairytale. As you enter this little "town", you are greeted by smiling townsfolk dressed in attire that was reminicent of Little House on the Prarie. They open all the doors for you everywhere you go and say with a smile,"Merry Christmas" or "God bless".
The town was lit up with bright white Christmas lights on every building and it was beautiful. The shops and attractions were also from another time and reminded me a little of a smaller version of Silver Dollar City.
But the train was the highlight. It only lasts for about 5 minutes but as you ride they light up huge story boards complete with artistic representations of the birth of Christ and it goes through his life until His death on the cross. I was sitting in the middle of my 4 yr old and my niece (who, when we came upon the scene of Jesus hanging on the cross, said "Why are they torturing Jesus?" - out of the mouths of babes). Like I said, it was a very warm experience and by the end of our short trip through Jesus's life I was tearing up.
We finished our time there with a wagon ride, eating food that cost too much, stuffing ourselves into the shops with people needing their souvenir Christmas ornaments and letting the kids ride the merry-go-round. It was a blast. I think the warmth inside from sharing time with my family outweighed the cold outside. Hope we can do it again next year!

Feelin' the Love

2008-12-21T21:54:00.003-06:00

Wow, all I had to do was ask. I asked God to just embrace me in His love and I received it through everyone with kind words from friends, family and the message in church today was especially uplifting. Thank you to everyone. I know that pothole days will come and go and what seems so difficult at certain times will get much easier to deal with later on.

And this too shall pass...

We all have those days when we need to be quiet, remember to focus on the most important things and try to SLOW down. It will probably be after the holidays before I'm completely back to a semblance of my normal self. -whatever that is ;)

But that's ok with me, I know this is a rough patch of road and I'm going to embrace it. I'll enjoy spending time with all of my family for Christmas, after all we only have this time once a year.

I really felt the love today and just wanted you to know!

Potholes

2008-12-20T19:07:00.002-06:00

It has been a pothole day. My definition of a pothole day is a day that feels very similar to hitting a huge pothole. That feeling of driving along not worried about what lies ahead and just when your attention is focused on something else for a brief moment, WHAM, KERCHUNK, a pothole. It throws you off, it messes with the alignment on your car... See where I'm going?
I have really been doing ok lately, feeling strong, praying a lot and focusing on all our blessings, (having said that makes me feel guilty about how I'm feeling, did that make sense?) anyway, I've been motoring along ok. Today has just been hard. I've been so emotional about everything, wondering why it has to be so difficult everyday. With our finances the way they are everything becomes a major decision. There isn't freedom when there isn't money. One of the things that has been particularly hard on me is the fact that I've lost friends.(I know it's said that your true friends will be there no matter what, but they were good friends to me) and I probably haven't lost then in the truer sense of that word but it's difficult when it takes money just to leave your house. People like getting together for coffee or lunch, sometimes a movie or a girl's night. I can't participate in any of these things and if I do the other person ends up paying for me and that just really gets old. I feel pathetic when this happens because I know I can't reciprocate the favor. I am thankful for friends that will take care of me like that but I can just imagine that they're sitting there thinking to themselves "I'm not asking her to do anything again, I'll probably have to pay her way." Don't get me wrong, I won't even go out unless I have a little money to at least pay my way, but much of the time I won't have to pay because they know my money situation and offer. This is a lovely gesture that again, I'm grateful for but I just wish I had money to spend once in a while so I can pay their way for a change.
I really miss my friends.
Christamstime is just a ridiculous time for us. I try and tell myself that Christmas isn't really about all the presents, la la la, etc... But let's be honest, having presents under that tree from Santa is a pretty big deal to a 9 and 4 yr old. They don't realize that Santa's budget has become infinitely smaller than ever. I tried telling my 4 yr old that Santa gets presents for so many girls and boys that he can't get everything he wants. He says, "Yeah he can, he makes the toys"
Who came up with that lovely portion of the story? Why can't they rewrite it so that Santa has to shop at Wal-mart with all the people and sometimes they run out of toys. - Yes, I like that better.
Needless to say, I'm still grateful for everything we have. We are very blessed. It has just been a pothole kind of day. I lost my focus and now my alignment is off, time to take myself to the repair shop, the one that's owned and operated by Jesus.

A Topsy-Turvy World

2008-12-17T11:37:00.005-06:00

Sometimes I feel right side up when everything is upside down.
I grew up learning right from wrong, and now that has been blurred.
What was wrong is becoming right and everything is turned around.
I am trying to focus clearly but with everything that has occurred,
I am left without understanding and it just seems so absurd.
How do I teach my children that what I know is unique,
to those that offer only a glimpse of truth and the rest is obsolete.
What was right is becoming wrong, you don't talk about your faith.
Be correct and don't offend those whose ideas do not concur!
But to just pretend does not justify the truth, I need to be brave.
I must hold on to my values and beliefs that formed who I am today.
I will tell my children the truth and I will glorify His name.
I will pray that the world loses it's battle and they remain on solid ground.
To experience a truer joy that in the world is never found.

Michele Cornwell 2008

My Boys

2008-12-16T11:41:00.003-06:00

I have to post about the two boys in my life that keep me from being in a rut on a daily basis. Logan is 9 and is becoming more precocious every day. He is actually very much a smart-alec too, but he gets that from me so I can't be too annoyed with him. Truth is he keeps me laughing. Holden is 4 and is just so sweet, ornery, but sweet nonetheless. He is the child we have a hard time discipining because he knows how to work us. It's hard not to smile when he flashes those dimples.

Even on the days when I just want to pull the covers over my head, they won't allow it. They don't know about life's hardships and I want to keep it that way. They're children and they want to have fun and play. They want our full participation, our undivided attention.

I had a great day with them yesterday and it was just what I needed. We made Christmas cookies (which I ate for breakfast this morning... is that wrong?), played games and watched cartoons. I am truly blessed, they are one of my most important reasons for becoming a healthier person...mind, body and soul.

Snow day!

2008-12-15T10:24:00.002-06:00

I woke up this morning and flipped on the tube first thing to see if last night's ice was enough to close the schools. - yes it was! I felt like a kid, excited that I would be closed in my house with the weather's permission not to have any responsibilities today. Maybe I'll get some cleaning done and I can bake something, oh I'm feeling very domestic today.
Normally, I can do without this kind of weather but I just really needed this time to be quiet and not have to run anywhere. Sorry for those of you that have to get out in this regardless but I'm going to be a little selfish and say "Hooray for the snow day!!!"

Moving a mountain

2008-12-14T15:23:00.003-06:00

So, I leave church today feeling strong, like nothing can bother me and I'm happy as a clam thinking of what I want to eat for lunch. We get home and I tell Matt that I need to go to the grocery store before the cold weather hits because we have nothing (literally) to make for dinners. I proceed to make out my list, so proud that I have thought of about 7 dinners to make (if not more after leftovers). sidenote: If you know me you know how much I HATE thinking of what to make for dinner and I really HATE going to Wal-mart during the weekend.

So, I am just walking around like I got it going on and I ask Matt if we should all go so we can get out of the house for a bit. He looks at me and says "Do you have a budget on that?" here it comes... I say "Well, what kind of budget should I have?" and I'm sure you can guess where the conversation went. The sum of these parts ends up with one of us explaining that we have no money and the other of us feeling defeated and ending up in tears. I'll let you decide which one is which. Needless to say, I gather my senses (yes, I'm the bawl baby) and decide that I will make it work with what we have and not worry about the rest. (I know this sounds like it should've been the solution all along but I'm emotional first and sensible later.)

I leave (by myself and tell Matt to let the boys play outside while the weather is nice because there is no sense in putting them through a. Walmart stress, b. my stress and c. my stress+Walmart stress = no fun Mom).

I get in the car, turn the radio on pretty loud and change the station to Christian music. (no, I don't always listen to Christian music, sometimes I need to get my groove on with rock, country and some oldies) anyway,

So, I say out loud - "God, sing to me." and the song that begins playing is about how God can move the mountains which strangely enough is exactly what our pastor's message was this morning... moving the mountain (or problem) in your life. I had a renewed energy because I knew this was no accident.

Satan is good, but God is GREAT. I don't mean that satan's nature is good (obviously). I mean he is good at what he does. It's not a coincidence that just when you feel like you can manage a situation, something happens to completely pull the rug out from under you. I've heard people ask why God let's things happen, but I don't believe that it's about Him letting things happen so much that it's about what you do with what happens. Satan will manipulate every situation in order to keep us away from our Father. He loves nothing more than when we feel so depleted and depressed that we can't think of anything else but the problem we are having.

Well, satan, you didn't win this time and it might be a small victory but I went to the store and had only $100 to spend and it has to last us longer than a week (for a family of 4) and I got almost everything we needed for $92.82. Praise God! I am still out of the rut today!

PS. I want to thank everyone for putting up with the e-mails everytime I write. I initially wanted to just let you all know what my new adventure was and now that you know I don't want you to be inundated with my writings on daily basis. So, after this one you won't have to receive them cuz I'm going to change that part (unless you just love hearing my happenings and then you can let me know and I'll keep you on the e-mail list.) You can find me on the address that comes to you on the link if you're curious as to what I'm up to and what I find in life to keep me Out of the Rut!

It's a Wonderful Life

2008-12-13T20:21:00.002-06:00

It has been a day. That's all I'm going to say about it and I'm sure you can read between the a and day. Nothing too serious, just blah, nothing but doing laundry and TV. Just as I was starting to feel sorry for myself that it seems like I'm always busy but never doing anything special, I looked up from the pile of laundry I had just started folding and saw that "It's a Wonderful Life" was on - my favorite Christmastime movie. Ironic as well that it happens to be about a man who feels like he has never done anything special and it turns out that he was the center of so many wonderful things.

Thank you God - I needed that!

Looking on the Bright Side

2008-12-12T07:57:00.005-06:00

It's truly annoying when you tell someone your woes and they follow it up with "Look on the bright side." or something equally as heinous, "It could always be worse." - what is that? Don't they know I want to wallow in self-pity for a while? When this happens, I just want to look that person in the eye and say,"Shut up."
Have you ever fallen asleep under the covers and then woken up to find yourself entangled in them, like you've waged a war with yourself in your sleep? I compare this to self-pity.
Truthfully, self-pity is like a warm comfy blanket that I often wrap myself up in and stay there... until it becomes confining and suffocating. When I'm in it at the time, I don't want someone telling me it could be worse, I mean, I do know that already and I will get there eventually, just give me a minute will you?
(I am getting to a point)
My closest friends have told me in the past how strong I am and how happy I always seem, but the truth is I don't feel strong and a lot of the time I am struggling to smile. I have, however just recently discovered this path that God has taken me down and it is very humbling. I don't know the time or place that my eyes were open but I am grateful that He is helping me see a little more clearly.
Life is a funny thing and I wonder if God is watching us all and evaluating how we begin to understand. Kind of like when I tell my boys how to do something over and over and then finally they do it on their own without my persuasions. Oh Happy Day!
This is a difficult time right now for us (and I know for everyone, I'm not in self-pity mode- so hold your breath). We have had huge financial problems for what seems like an eternity. However, it is only within the last say, 6 months that I feel like I can do this. I've heard that God only gives us what we can handle but I honestly wish he didn't think so highly of me at times. I'm tired, physically tired of the worry and just when I think I've laid it down for Him to take, I take it back. (I'm kind of a control freak that way)
Anyway, like I said, it's been about 6 months since I've been on this path of clarity and I see that God keeps giving me opportunties of understanding. The 1st one was when I read the book by William P. Young called "The Shack", (thank you Kelli) and if you haven't read it I suggest you pick up a copy and read it twice. It changed my perception of God, religion, and relationship at a time when I was struggling with church and the people in church, etc. The 2nd was last night when I read a blog called "Bring the Rain" by a woman named Angie Smith. A very real, true story about her 4th daughter that lived for only 2 hrs and excruciating decisions she and her husband had to make. I have posted it on here and recommend it if you are struggling with your faith or any difficulty in your life. Reading her story gave me this sense of who God is really. Through her heart I saw Him. I learned that I must turn to Him - always! When I feel self-pity, He is not going to tell me, "Look on the bright side." He is going to give me the tools I need to pick myself up and He is going to love me through it. I feel like God is looking at me and saying,"I think she's getting it." I know I have been told that God is always there and He is the only one I can rely on and in my head I knew that, but my heart is still trying to catch up. Going to church is fine and it's good to read the bible but if you don't have the relationship with Him it's like biting into a Twinkie and discovering that they left out the creme filling.
I know I have a long way to go, I haven't given up that blanket yet. But I do know God will be there to help me get untangled.
My favorite verse in the bible is Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
It's my favorite because it gives me the security of knowing that even through some of my poorest decisions, when I haven't listened to His voice and struggled on my own that He will make it work for His purpose.

Middle of the night panic

2008-12-09T08:03:00.006-06:00

Anyone who has children knows how it feels to wake up in the middle of the night to some kind of health related emergency. The sound of your child coming into your room and being half-awake and half-dead to the world, trying to get your eyes to focus on which one has stumbled his/her way avoiding all the obstacles to reach you and say "Mommy, I don't feel good." Last night was like that for us, except my son Holden stumbled in and just stood there wheezing and coughing. So I woke up fairly quickly to have been so zoned out asleep and probably stood there for a full minute before finally figuring out the next step. (poor Holden)

So without the albuterol for his nebulizer, I tried the next best thing I could think of - sitting in the bathroom with the hot shower running and trying to get a sleepy, coughing and very grouchy 4 year old to let me slather some Mentholatum on his chest, while still being half-asleep myself. After the hilarity of this treatment, it lasts only while we were actually sitting in the steam. I don't know if anyone else wrestles with "what to do" in their brain as much as I do but I literally am going back and forth in my head,"Should I go to the emergency room or wait until morning and take him to the doctor?" for about 3 hours. My beloved husband wakes up and takes a turn holding him because he's just not improving, no matter how much of that Mentholatum I slather on him. So after the battle in my brain I finally decide I better take him to the emergency room because my poor child has suffered long enough. We get to the emergency room, (St Francis South, because I didn't want to wait long)walk in and no one is there at registration(I'm not kidding). This is the EMERGENCY room, right? I'm glad I didn't walk in with a gunshot wound. Anyway, after the 2 hour emergency room event(still probably shorter than going to the bigger hospital) I feel calm and relieved that my baby can breathe better and it confirmed that I was right to take him when I did. All that anxiety about should I or shouldn't I go, so many stupid things ran through my mind, like the cost of going to the emergency room vs the doctor's office, and if he's made it until 5:00 maybe he can make it a little longer. What is more important than my child's health for goodness sake?
I guess the reason why I decided to write about this experience is because I recognized how much relief I felt when I knew he was going to be fine and how much love I have for these 2 boys that my anxiety level goes through the roof when they're sick. I hope they can survive my insanity and can one day know that their mom will absolutely do whatever it takes to make sure they're ok, because they are my life!

The Christmas Surprise

2008-12-07T13:22:00.006-06:00

Out with my children in the holiday shuffle,
my stomach in knots with all the hustle and bustle.
I shop for the food, the candy and gifts,
hoping I don't forget a soul on my lists.
Did I remember to mail our Christmas cards?
I don't want someone to say "We didn't get ours!"
I hurry my children back into our car,
yelling,"Please don't sit on the new Christmas star!"
I sit in the traffic my patience is put to the test.
I can't wait to get home my poor feet need a rest.
Finally we're home, it's time to unload
all the packages and food into our humble abode.
When it's all put away, I sit down and close my eyes.
Now my kids run in and say "We've got a Christmas surprise!"
I exhale and with a forced joyful smile
say,"I'll be there in just a little while."
"But mommy," they say, "We have a present for you!"
And now I know that my delay won't do,
so I hold their hands and close my eyes
and let them lead me to my surprise.
They show me the way to the kitchen table,
where sits a box wrapped in colored on paper.
I sit down and open their artistic display
to find it empty, which to this they say-
"We know you are tired and needed some love,
so we blew into that box our kisses and hugs!"
At that moment I realized this is what Christmas should be,
not the food or the gifts or the star on the tree.
It's the love Jesus brought when He was born that day.
The whole reason He came, to show us the way.
It's the same love I see in my children's eyes
and I felt that love in their Christmas surprise.

Michele Cornwell 2008

Family night

2008-12-06T10:13:00.003-06:00

Had so much fun.

My husband's family used to have a family night about once a month and it was really great getting to spend time with everyone and having that opportunity to really get to know each individual personality. There is such a closeness that stems from spending time together. I took that for granted in the beginning because after some unfortunate events in my inlaws life our family nights were nonexistent for, let's see, about roughly 5-6 years? Not that we didn't see each other. There are still birthdays and holidays, the only problem with those events is that it's mayhem and the focus is somewhere else.

Last night was the first real family night we've had in a long time and it was just so much fun. My favorite part of the night was watching a video of my brother n laws 7th birthday. Talk about hilarity, looking back at the hip fashion in the 80's, my husband's "hot pants" and nifty socks that went up to his mid-calf. The flipped up collar of my sister n law had her looking like the stylish 80's queen. What I noticed most when I watched this video, was the happiness that shined on all their faces. Whether it was just a simpler time or that everyone was just together having fun and making memories. Isn't that what it's all supposed to be about? I haven't seen that happiness in many of us these past years. My pastor did a series called "Happy Don't Live Here", a phenomenal series that talks about where we try desperately to find happiness in extrinsic things. Money, Cars, Houses, Jobs, Success, etc... He (my pastor) explained that true Happiness is an inner joy regardless of the outside circumstances. Think about that, how is that possible? What if there isn't money to pay the bills? Well, in the video what I noticed is that they probably did have money to pay their bills and they were much happier but did that happiness really come from the money? I don't think the true focus was ever on that (knowing my inlaws). Their true focus was on the inner joy they experienced as a family, the relationship between husband and wife, brothers and sister, grandparents and grandchildren. The reason I know this is because of how I grew up. It was very much the same, except we didn't have the money due to an outward circumstance in my parents divorcing. As painful as that was, my family brought us all through that time. My mom bonded with her sister through that and from that came time spent with my cousins and time spent every Sunday going to my grandma's and just hanging out for a few hours, laughing and playing & making memories. If I hadn't had that, the bond of family, it would have been entirely much more painful for me growing up. What I'm trying to say is I believe God has put us together to know a true joy regardless of outside circumstances. He didn't create us so that we go through life alone and in pain, He created us to come together and experience life together. To enjoy each other's personalities, play games, laugh, even have spats and hash them out together.

As my father n law would say "Last night was a whole bunch of alright". (he actually said that, it was documented on last night's video) ... How can you not have inner joy regardless of outside circumstances when you hear a line like that?

Technology and communicating

2008-12-02T14:46:00.002-06:00

I'm going to just lay it out there, I HATE getting texts. E-mails used to bug me until the whole texting thing came into play. Now it seems e-mails are actually personal in comparison. My DAD texted me Happy Birthday. I see people texting in their cars while they are DRIVING. I've seen kids text to each other from across the room. C'mon are you kidding me?
I really miss how we used to communicate. I have tons and tons of old notes from highschool friends and I cherish them. I'll bet that is not even done anymore, passing notes. The joy of not paying attention in class and writing to your best friend about how bored you are and who you have a crush on this week, etc. I really think kids are missing out with all this technology. I think adults are as well, but at least we knew a different and I think better way of communicating. I know it's ironic that I'm writing on a blog about how technology has turned us into a bunch of people who don't have time to pick up a phone or write a letter. It's not that I think technology is bad, just that it shouldn't take the place of real communicating. There are some people that I will go for months without hearing what their voice sounds like.
The reason why I'm writing about this is because one of the things nearest to my heart is friendship. Friendship with others is something that makes me very happy and I miss seeing and actually talking to people. I am guilty of not picking up a phone as much as anyone and I haven't written a letter since highschool. I'm hoping to change that and I'm sorry to all of you for not being a better friend. My out of the rut idea for this week is to write letters and pick up the phone. If I get your voicemail, please don't text me!

I love to paint!

2008-11-29T12:27:00.002-06:00

I was at Hobby Lobby recently and got lost in the artsy section of the store. I literally could spend the whole day at Hobby Lobby and never realize that any time passed at all. It is a fabulous place! This last time I spent a great deal of time looking at canvas's and paint brushes, paints, etc... imagining what I could paint for my home or for other's as gifts. It was very exciting and fun. I know I'm entertained easily but it was nice to remember something else I love doing and thinking that I'm going to get started on it too. If anyone needs an idea for a Christmas gift for me, how about a canvas or paints, or paint brushes! I have no idea what I will paint but that's also the fun part, being inspired by something or someone. I love looking up at the sky and seeing all the colors when the sun is setting or how the trees look when the wind is blowing. I told you I was entertained easily.
When I get started I will take picutres of them and post them on here to share.
Update on the workout blog. - Haven't quite gotten to that one, but in my defense I have been coughing and hacking for a month now and recently got a kidney infection. Isn't it ironic that you need exercise to stay healthy but if your not well, then you need rest? I am going to begin exercising soon though, as soon as my lungs and kidney's get their act together. Maybe I should post pictures of a before me for incentive and then do an after me pic for upkeep incentive? I'll have to think about that one.

I am Thankful for...

2008-11-26T11:59:00.004-06:00

I am thankful for my husband, who took a day off to take care of me when I got another kidney infection.

I am thankful for my 2 sons, they are such great boys!

I am so thankful for the rest of my family and friends, my job, my health (sans kidney infection), and all the blessings the Lord has provided.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Connecting

2008-11-23T17:59:00.006-06:00

I am hoping that I can somehow connect with others by writing on this blog what swirls around in my head on a daily basis. Whether it's family or friends, or anyone that would like to share their thoughts or ideas with me. I had a recent conversation with someone very close to me that said it was easy for me to find things I like to do because I have talents or have things I like to do more than others. But in my eyes, I feel like I have forgotten. It struck me that I don't know very many people who really know what is it they like. Is it that we get caught up in the everyday habits? (Get up in the morning, fix breakfast, get self and kids ready for the day, barely speak to hubby or wife, head out into traffic, drop kids off at school, go to work or go back home and work, work and work, leave work and head into traffic, pick up kids from school, do homework, fix dinner, greet hubby or wife "how was your day dear?", give kids a bath, pj's and teeth brushing, put them in bed, clean up any messes, barely speak again to hubby or wife, crash into bed, wake up and repeat...) How would we know what we like? No one really takes the time to find out and with the way our days go, we don't have the energy to care at the time.
This is the rut folks! I may have talents or used to have things I liked to do and probably did them, but it has fallen by the wayside, believe me. When I had this conversation with that person, I immediately remembered that they too had things they liked at one time and we all have gifts from God. Some gifts are a little more easily seen by others, but we ALL have them.
I'm sick of it! I'm sick of feeling like I'm just spending my time here on earth like it's never going to run out! I am praying that I can connect with just even one person and change their thinking too. I am going to remember things I enjoy and do them, I am going to discover new things as well and do them. Right now there are things I want to do that will take money, like white water rafting, can't do that yet. But there are plenty of things that don't take any money at all. One thing we used to do as a family and have gotten away from is doing a "family day" . Every Sunday we would find things to do as a family - go to the mall, bookstore, park, play games, rent a movie, etc... It's time to reinstate that one in our lives! It reminds me that it's not just about the things I like to do but also the relationships that are important in life. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends and I think that I need to make that happen a little more often.

Writing

2008-11-22T12:57:00.005-06:00

I love to write. One of the things I feel that I'm good at is writing, so when someone asks me what I "do", I want to say " I'm a writer!" Which happens to be true but not in the sense that I've actually been published, so I usually say I'm a stay at home mom, which is also true and in the sense that I actually am at home with 2 kids, seems to be more acceptable to tell people. However, since I've started this blog and it's about doing things that make me happy I am going to publish a children's story I wrote because it's my blog and I can write if I want to.
I wrote several of these stories called "The What If Bedtime Stories" because I wanted to give my son Logan something comforting to hear before he fell asleep. It seems like the world is going crazy sometimes and it was important to me to just forget about everything else and fill his mind with fun and sometimes silly ideas. This is the 1st one I wrote:

Animal Safari

What if we went on an animal safari?

We could travel to the African Plains.

Don't forget to bring the binoculars,

so we can really see the lions' manes.

We could ride all day in an open jeep,

letting the wind blow through our hair.

When the tigers let out a mighty growl,

it would really give us a scare!

Look at the colorful birds up in the trees,

and there's a giraffe - wow he's tall!

He's just busy eating all those leaves,

it looks like he's having them all!

I wonder what that is under the water?

Oh, it's a great big hippopotamus!

And coming close to take a drink,

it's an elephant - look at those tusks!

Keep your eyes open, there's a rhinoceros,

it looks like he wants to charge.

We had better hurry away from here,

that fellow is extremely large!

If you stop and listen close,

you will hear the monkey's chatter.

Look up in the trees and you will see

how they love to swing and scatter.

We could stop to walk around for a while,

but watch out for slithery snakes.

Maybe we should just ride around to be safe,

I'm scared of those things for goodness sakes!

We have found many animals on this safari trip.

Maybe we'll see them when we dream.

Let's not forget as we drift off to sleep,

all of the wonderful animals we've seen.

Mind set

2008-11-21T10:36:00.000-06:00

Getting started and changing my mind set will be the most challenging part. I need to keep telling myself that doing things that make me happy will make me a better wife, mom and friend. It seems like I'm being selfish but something has to give because in this last year or so I have really not even been able to recognize myself. I have actually forgotten what it is I like to do. It's pretty telling when I'm filling out personal interests on here or facebook and I literally can't think of anything. I have to rack my brain to remember what I like or used to like. This is of course in exception to my kids and they have become the center of my existence. This isn't a bad thing because it happens to all of us with children who love them and want them to feel as loved as a person can feel. But, in the past year I have recognized something... if I don't know myself how can I give them the best part of me? How can I give them the best mom on earth if I don't feel the very best? I want be a good example to them as well and if I don't feel good then what are they going to see? Oh, I know... a tired, grouchy, slouch. They deserve much better and I am going to give that to them and to my husband and my friends and most importantly - myself!

The Workout

2008-11-20T12:53:00.000-06:00

Well, here's the deal... I used to work-out on a daily basis and I dare say, had a pretty killer bod. Now, a year later (after not working out at all) I have begun to get a little puffy, not heavy - puffy. This means that although I still look ok in clothing, I don't look ok any other way. I would also like to once again look great in clothing and not just ok. My first "out of the rut" adventure is to commit to "the workout". I'm going to go the gym at least twice a week. I'm also going to work out at home as much as I can. I'm posting this and will continue to post an "out of the rut" commitment to various ideas that come to mind. I am also going to e-mail family and friends about my blog for encouragement, accountibility and any other ideas they might have. I'm hoping this will help me become a better and happier girl!