Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Little Breathing Room

Well, I'm sitting here writing this ALONE! My husband had to work today because it is still tax season and since he is a trust tax accountant, he works ALL the time. This too shall pass... He misses his boys and I know it's hard on him but since he is missing his boys I get the true pleasure of being their one and only person to meet each and every need as well as keeping up with laundry, dishes, daily messes made, working, the school's yearbook, the pre-school projects... did I mention laundry, oh right... well let me re-mention it because it NEVER ends! I've often joked that there are times when I want to set it on fire but the matches have never looked more appealing than they do right now. I digress...
So here I sit, alone, all alone and the silence has never sounded so sweet. Matt came home around 4:00 and took off with the boys for a bit.
I have so much respect for families that have to endure this single parent stuff a whole lot longer than I do. I appreciate Matt's presence so much more when I don't have him here to keep the boys busy while I do stuff around the house or if I want to venture off to the bookstore and veg-out for a bit. I have a story to share and I hope no one judges me (like I care) but I have to share because it's a tribute to my mom Elaine.
The other day after Holden's T-ball practice he had the mother of all melt-downs and so did I. I actually officially channeled Elaine. When I was younger, all my mom had to do was purse her lips and show her clenched teeth while a demon briefly possessed her (it was in her eyes, believe it!) her voice became this low growl and most of the time if I valued my life I stopped whatever I was doing. Only when I turned 13 did I ever push her past that but we won't get into that now.
Anyhow, my precious son Holden after playing T-ball for over an hour didn't think he had had enough fun so he persisted that he wanted to shoot hoops.(we were in a gymnasium because of the weather) Well, I was done and I needed him to mind because I was so tired, exhausted! It went a little like this:
Holden: (wailing)"I want to shoot hoooooops! "
Me: "You just played T-ball and that's that. We're not here to shoot hoops, now come on!" I go after him...
Holden: (running away from me wailing louder with everyone else still trying to leave) "Just one more hooooooop! Pleeeeeeeease!"
Me: (running after him) "If you don't get over here right now then you won't be able to go to practice next time!"
Holden: (still running away from me towards the basketballs and throwing himself on top of one) Pleeeeeeeeease, I just want to make a hoooooooop!)
Me: (grabbing him and trying to hold his hand and pull him up without success) "Get up RIGHT NOW!" (I start walking off because he will usually come after me but not this time!)
So, I finally get him to follow me a little but whenever I turn around to get his hand he pulls it away and runs a little bit in the other direction. I then have to literally pick him up and carry this little wailing human being out the door while I yell at my other son to come on. (Who isn't doing anything to deserve my wrath but faithfully without making anymore trouble for me follows quietly.) I proceed to put Holden in the car and fasten his seat belt to which he (as quickly as he can) unfastens it and pushes on the car door so I can't close it. I try to as calmly as I can (which truthfully wasn't very calm) put him back in his seat and fasten his seat belt again to which he AGAIN unfastens it and pushes me away. Oh and I didn't mention the screaming bloody murder the whole time "I want to shoot hoooooooops!" So I'm sure we weren't drawing attention our way or anything. I think he unfastened his seat belt another time but this is where it gets a little fuzzy because at this point I feel the same demon that possessed my mom begin to take shape inside me. My teeth began to clench as I held him down to fasten the belt one more time and lock the door behind me and then the worst happened... He unlocked the door and tore himself out of his seat and opened the door trying his best to escape. And the beast arose within me... I channeled Elaine's demon. I no longer recognized my own voice. It became very low and gravelly - almost a growl. I couldn't see anything but the smoke pouring out of my ears and everything went dark. The beast spoke for me and as my body put Holden back in his seat and fastened his seat belt for the last time I heard the beast say "YOU WILL NOT TREAT YOUR MOTHER THIS WAY!!!"(pause for breath) "DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE HUMILIATED AND YOU WON"T DO THIS EVER AGAIN OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!!!"
And all was quiet. Holden stayed in his seat, whimpering but he stayed put. I don't think Logan knew what to think. I've been angry with him too but I don't think the beast ever took over with him. The beast left as soon as it had come and I just kept thinking about how even more angry I was that he had made me turn into my mom. The whole ride home no one uttered a word. When Matt called to see how practice went I was still seething because I didn't want to turn into Elaine! I described to him the horrific events from just minutes before and handed the phone to Logan who (bless his heart) tried as best he could describe it himself but I think he chose to block it out so I made Holden talk to him. He wouldn't at first but with reluctance took the phone after I made it clear that he could either talk to his dad then or I would wake him up in the middle of the night to talk to him. (at that point I totally would have done just that). After his phone conversation he gently apologized to me and gave me a hug and kiss. I in turn explained to him that he really won't do that to me again or he wouldn't play T-ball period. Needless to say he has been pretty good! I suppose there are times that instead of fighting the beast letting it take over will at least buy you a few minutes of quiet.
So you may judge me and think I'm nuts but I don't care. This is why I am enjoying this time to myself so hopefully I can keep the beast from ever rearing it's ugly head again. Well, at least for a few years. I'm not promising I won't turn into my mom again. I tried that already and apparently you really do turn into your parents. I wonder if I should warn the boys now before they become teens? Nah!


shara said...

Oh my goodness! How I remember similar scenes, and also how I turned into my mom at various times. I had such a scene today, w/ my 16yo. AH! We are all much better now, thank goodness. No judgement from this camp, that is sure!

Granny Annie said...

I hope you will share this with your mom. I believe she will be as proud to be channeled by you and I am when Chelle admits she has channeled me. Ah, success! (What goes around,comes around.) LOL

Nikki B. said...

noticed you haven't posted in a while. hope all is well with you and yours!!