Christmas Train

It was FREEZING, and it was also a warm experience that I shared with my sisters and I'm so thankful I was able to go.
I'm refering to a special place right here in Oklahoma called "The Christmas Train" in a little "town" outside of Pryor called "Dry Gulch". It was started by a pastor by the name of Willie George who leads a pretty popular church here called Church on the Move. He wanted to spread the true story of Christmas so that people from all walks of life could know Jesus.

When the idea was 1st presented to me, my first thought was I really didn't want to freeze and I also had visions of the boys walking around with red cheeks and their noses running all over the place, shouting every 10 minutes or so that they had to go to the bathroom (which, in my opinion should be added as an Olympic event in the wintertime).
But something told me that I don't get to have these opportunites with my sisters all that often and that I should seize this one. I'm glad I did.

It was a true Christmas fairytale. As you enter this little "town", you are greeted by smiling townsfolk dressed in attire that was reminicent of Little House on the Prarie. They open all the doors for you everywhere you go and say with a smile,"Merry Christmas" or "God bless".
The town was lit up with bright white Christmas lights on every building and it was beautiful. The shops and attractions were also from another time and reminded me a little of a smaller version of Silver Dollar City.
But the train was the highlight. It only lasts for about 5 minutes but as you ride they light up huge story boards complete with artistic representations of the birth of Christ and it goes through his life until His death on the cross. I was sitting in the middle of my 4 yr old and my niece (who, when we came upon the scene of Jesus hanging on the cross, said "Why are they torturing Jesus?" - out of the mouths of babes). Like I said, it was a very warm experience and by the end of our short trip through Jesus's life I was tearing up.
We finished our time there with a wagon ride, eating food that cost too much, stuffing ourselves into the shops with people needing their souvenir Christmas ornaments and letting the kids ride the merry-go-round. It was a blast. I think the warmth inside from sharing time with my family outweighed the cold outside. Hope we can do it again next year!

Feelin' the Love

Wow, all I had to do was ask. I asked God to just embrace me in His love and I received it through everyone with kind words from friends, family and the message in church today was especially uplifting. Thank you to everyone. I know that pothole days will come and go and what seems so difficult at certain times will get much easier to deal with later on.

And this too shall pass...

We all have those days when we need to be quiet, remember to focus on the most important things and try to SLOW down. It will probably be after the holidays before I'm completely back to a semblance of my normal self. -whatever that is ;)

But that's ok with me, I know this is a rough patch of road and I'm going to embrace it. I'll enjoy spending time with all of my family for Christmas, after all we only have this time once a year.

I really felt the love today and just wanted you to know!

Potholes

It has been a pothole day. My definition of a pothole day is a day that feels very similar to hitting a huge pothole. That feeling of driving along not worried about what lies ahead and just when your attention is focused on something else for a brief moment, WHAM, KERCHUNK, a pothole. It throws you off, it messes with the alignment on your car... See where I'm going?
I have really been doing ok lately, feeling strong, praying a lot and focusing on all our blessings, (having said that makes me feel guilty about how I'm feeling, did that make sense?) anyway, I've been motoring along ok. Today has just been hard. I've been so emotional about everything, wondering why it has to be so difficult everyday. With our finances the way they are everything becomes a major decision. There isn't freedom when there isn't money. One of the things that has been particularly hard on me is the fact that I've lost friends.(I know it's said that your true friends will be there no matter what, but they were good friends to me) and I probably haven't lost then in the truer sense of that word but it's difficult when it takes money just to leave your house. People like getting together for coffee or lunch, sometimes a movie or a girl's night. I can't participate in any of these things and if I do the other person ends up paying for me and that just really gets old. I feel pathetic when this happens because I know I can't reciprocate the favor. I am thankful for friends that will take care of me like that but I can just imagine that they're sitting there thinking to themselves "I'm not asking her to do anything again, I'll probably have to pay her way." Don't get me wrong, I won't even go out unless I have a little money to at least pay my way, but much of the time I won't have to pay because they know my money situation and offer. This is a lovely gesture that again, I'm grateful for but I just wish I had money to spend once in a while so I can pay their way for a change.
I really miss my friends.
Christamstime is just a ridiculous time for us. I try and tell myself that Christmas isn't really about all the presents, la la la, etc... But let's be honest, having presents under that tree from Santa is a pretty big deal to a 9 and 4 yr old. They don't realize that Santa's budget has become infinitely smaller than ever. I tried telling my 4 yr old that Santa gets presents for so many girls and boys that he can't get everything he wants. He says, "Yeah he can, he makes the toys"
Who came up with that lovely portion of the story? Why can't they rewrite it so that Santa has to shop at Wal-mart with all the people and sometimes they run out of toys. - Yes, I like that better.
Needless to say, I'm still grateful for everything we have. We are very blessed. It has just been a pothole kind of day. I lost my focus and now my alignment is off, time to take myself to the repair shop, the one that's owned and operated by Jesus.

A Topsy-Turvy World

Sometimes I feel right side up when everything is upside down.
I grew up learning right from wrong, and now that has been blurred.
What was wrong is becoming right and everything is turned around.
I am trying to focus clearly but with everything that has occurred,
I am left without understanding and it just seems so absurd.
How do I teach my children that what I know is unique,
to those that offer only a glimpse of truth and the rest is obsolete.
What was right is becoming wrong, you don't talk about your faith.
Be correct and don't offend those whose ideas do not concur!
But to just pretend does not justify the truth, I need to be brave.
I must hold on to my values and beliefs that formed who I am today.
I will tell my children the truth and I will glorify His name.
I will pray that the world loses it's battle and they remain on solid ground.
To experience a truer joy that in the world is never found.

Michele Cornwell 2008

My Boys

I have to post about the two boys in my life that keep me from being in a rut on a daily basis. Logan is 9 and is becoming more precocious every day. He is actually very much a smart-alec too, but he gets that from me so I can't be too annoyed with him. Truth is he keeps me laughing. Holden is 4 and is just so sweet, ornery, but sweet nonetheless. He is the child we have a hard time discipining because he knows how to work us. It's hard not to smile when he flashes those dimples.

Even on the days when I just want to pull the covers over my head, they won't allow it. They don't know about life's hardships and I want to keep it that way. They're children and they want to have fun and play. They want our full participation, our undivided attention.

I had a great day with them yesterday and it was just what I needed. We made Christmas cookies (which I ate for breakfast this morning... is that wrong?), played games and watched cartoons. I am truly blessed, they are one of my most important reasons for becoming a healthier person...mind, body and soul.

Snow day!

I woke up this morning and flipped on the tube first thing to see if last night's ice was enough to close the schools. - yes it was! I felt like a kid, excited that I would be closed in my house with the weather's permission not to have any responsibilities today. Maybe I'll get some cleaning done and I can bake something, oh I'm feeling very domestic today.
Normally, I can do without this kind of weather but I just really needed this time to be quiet and not have to run anywhere. Sorry for those of you that have to get out in this regardless but I'm going to be a little selfish and say "Hooray for the snow day!!!"

Moving a mountain

So, I leave church today feeling strong, like nothing can bother me and I'm happy as a clam thinking of what I want to eat for lunch. We get home and I tell Matt that I need to go to the grocery store before the cold weather hits because we have nothing (literally) to make for dinners. I proceed to make out my list, so proud that I have thought of about 7 dinners to make (if not more after leftovers). sidenote: If you know me you know how much I HATE thinking of what to make for dinner and I really HATE going to Wal-mart during the weekend.

So, I am just walking around like I got it going on and I ask Matt if we should all go so we can get out of the house for a bit. He looks at me and says "Do you have a budget on that?" here it comes... I say "Well, what kind of budget should I have?" and I'm sure you can guess where the conversation went. The sum of these parts ends up with one of us explaining that we have no money and the other of us feeling defeated and ending up in tears. I'll let you decide which one is which. Needless to say, I gather my senses (yes, I'm the bawl baby) and decide that I will make it work with what we have and not worry about the rest. (I know this sounds like it should've been the solution all along but I'm emotional first and sensible later.)

I leave (by myself and tell Matt to let the boys play outside while the weather is nice because there is no sense in putting them through a. Walmart stress, b. my stress and c. my stress+Walmart stress = no fun Mom).

I get in the car, turn the radio on pretty loud and change the station to Christian music. (no, I don't always listen to Christian music, sometimes I need to get my groove on with rock, country and some oldies) anyway,

So, I say out loud - "God, sing to me." and the song that begins playing is about how God can move the mountains which strangely enough is exactly what our pastor's message was this morning... moving the mountain (or problem) in your life. I had a renewed energy because I knew this was no accident.

Satan is good, but God is GREAT. I don't mean that satan's nature is good (obviously). I mean he is good at what he does. It's not a coincidence that just when you feel like you can manage a situation, something happens to completely pull the rug out from under you. I've heard people ask why God let's things happen, but I don't believe that it's about Him letting things happen so much that it's about what you do with what happens. Satan will manipulate every situation in order to keep us away from our Father. He loves nothing more than when we feel so depleted and depressed that we can't think of anything else but the problem we are having.

Well, satan, you didn't win this time and it might be a small victory but I went to the store and had only $100 to spend and it has to last us longer than a week (for a family of 4) and I got almost everything we needed for $92.82. Praise God! I am still out of the rut today!

PS. I want to thank everyone for putting up with the e-mails everytime I write. I initially wanted to just let you all know what my new adventure was and now that you know I don't want you to be inundated with my writings on daily basis. So, after this one you won't have to receive them cuz I'm going to change that part (unless you just love hearing my happenings and then you can let me know and I'll keep you on the e-mail list.) You can find me on the address that comes to you on the link if you're curious as to what I'm up to and what I find in life to keep me Out of the Rut!