Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Middle of the night panic

Anyone who has children knows how it feels to wake up in the middle of the night to some kind of health related emergency. The sound of your child coming into your room and being half-awake and half-dead to the world, trying to get your eyes to focus on which one has stumbled his/her way avoiding all the obstacles to reach you and say "Mommy, I don't feel good." Last night was like that for us, except my son Holden stumbled in and just stood there wheezing and coughing. So I woke up fairly quickly to have been so zoned out asleep and probably stood there for a full minute before finally figuring out the next step. (poor Holden)

So without the albuterol for his nebulizer, I tried the next best thing I could think of - sitting in the bathroom with the hot shower running and trying to get a sleepy, coughing and very grouchy 4 year old to let me slather some Mentholatum on his chest, while still being half-asleep myself. After the hilarity of this treatment, it lasts only while we were actually sitting in the steam. I don't know if anyone else wrestles with "what to do" in their brain as much as I do but I literally am going back and forth in my head,"Should I go to the emergency room or wait until morning and take him to the doctor?" for about 3 hours. My beloved husband wakes up and takes a turn holding him because he's just not improving, no matter how much of that Mentholatum I slather on him. So after the battle in my brain I finally decide I better take him to the emergency room because my poor child has suffered long enough. We get to the emergency room, (St Francis South, because I didn't want to wait long)walk in and no one is there at registration(I'm not kidding). This is the EMERGENCY room, right? I'm glad I didn't walk in with a gunshot wound. Anyway, after the 2 hour emergency room event(still probably shorter than going to the bigger hospital) I feel calm and relieved that my baby can breathe better and it confirmed that I was right to take him when I did. All that anxiety about should I or shouldn't I go, so many stupid things ran through my mind, like the cost of going to the emergency room vs the doctor's office, and if he's made it until 5:00 maybe he can make it a little longer. What is more important than my child's health for goodness sake?
I guess the reason why I decided to write about this experience is because I recognized how much relief I felt when I knew he was going to be fine and how much love I have for these 2 boys that my anxiety level goes through the roof when they're sick. I hope they can survive my insanity and can one day know that their mom will absolutely do whatever it takes to make sure they're ok, because they are my life!

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